He found out! Don't want him to leave!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
He found out! Don't want him to leave!
4
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 11:01am
I am new to this whole message board thing, so bare with me....here goes!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 12:06pm

I know you are incredibly upset and am sorry you are hurting. I have never had a D-Day so i havent been there. The people here are lifesavers IMO and can offer you better advice than me so i will just make a couple of notes to get you going.

DO NOT contact the other man again. You have just had the major wake up that your H is not OK with this. If you think your H is hurt, imagine how bad it would be if he found out that you contacted the AP again even after all this. If you want to start to repair any damage, there is NO more AP. No goodbye, NOTHING.

There is a board called Ending Affairs Support that have such excellent people who can help you on how to cope with the effects of your feelings towards your AP as well as the Healing Library that contains mountains of articles that can assist you to get over him:http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlending
There is also another board called Betrayed Spouses Support
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rladultery (dont post there - just read) that gives you an indication on how your H is feeling. If you need to ask questions you can ask the All Sides board.

I hope you get it worked out. Hugs.

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2009
Mon, 09-14-2009 - 12:53pm
Thank you for your reply and support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Tue, 09-15-2009 - 1:29pm

Hi!


Welcome to the board.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Tue, 09-22-2009 - 9:18pm
I can totally empathize as I have had a D-day and it is the WORST feeling ever. The best thing you can do is apologize profusely, tell your husband how much you love him and tell him you want to go to counseling to see what it was that made you feel the need for this attention. Yes, you have hurt your husband and as far as the OM, he knew what he was getting into. As far as I am concerned you have not hurt him. You need to focus now on fixing the damage you have done and pray that your husband will forgive you and be able to trust you again. I don't say this to be mean, only from my experience. It takes a very long time, a lot of hard work and a lot of healing.
I hope things work out for you. I've been there and I too wanted to still talk with my ex-ap. It took quite awhile before I gave him up, even just by email. Be thankful texting was all you did!