he has passed the 11th day

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
he has passed the 11th day
13
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 6:19am
It is the 12th day now NC. I know you guys are getting sick of me by now. I am trying to understand what is happening to me and MM . I have been reading everything I can find on the subject of affairs. I want to understand what he is feeling. How he could hurt me so bad and know he is doing it. Knowing it is not who he really is . Knowing he is in constant abuse from his W . Knowing she is leaving soon. Everyone knows she is. She knows he is having an affair and yet he is keeping his self from me. When will he realize that his happiness matters and everything would fall into place if he just made the decision to stand his ground and go after what makes him happy ? I want him free . I want him to be my friend if he can't be my lover anymore. Our friendship was great for a whole year. Then the intimate stuff started and it was wonderful. It gave me hope of a brighter future everyday, until now ! Now, I feel I am losing his friendship and his love. Does he really believe hurting me is the only way to get through this? How can he hurt me when he knows that I love him more than he has ever been loved in his life? He told me when I last saw him that he was going to call his dad and talk to him. I was hoping his dad could help set him straight. He told him last time to do what will make him happy. A miracle is all that will help me.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 8:20am
Oh, sweetie. Isn't NC so hard? I am also waitng for MM to call anc tell me what's been happening with him. I don't have anything further to say, except I am in the same positions as you are in. hugs
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 9:52am
I am so sorry that you are going through this too. It is the hardest thing I have ever faced. I am a strong person. But you can't face what you don't know about. I have to be strong. I love this man very much. I need all the support I can get to get through this. Lets do it together. I don't want to contact him. I want him to contact me. That way I WILL TRUELY KNOW HOW HE FEELS. Be stong with me. I wish all your dreams come true.

Hugs to you**************************
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 4:34pm
I'm sorry that it's been 12 days for you. I'm on day 7 and about to go crazy myself. I really think my MM will call Monday, since he was out of town and is due back this weekend. I still don't understand why he hasn't called all week, it is so unlike him.

Hang in there, knowing we aren't in this alone, does help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 4:53pm
this has been the longest for me. I wish his W would leave right now. I wish she would through him out. I wish something would happen to push his buttons and send him back to me. Seems like alot of us are waiting for Monday ! I am going over the edge. I can't just pick up and go to a friends because I have not opened myself up to making friends to hang out with outside of work. I was secluded for 25 years in m with EX-H. ONLY WAS ALLOWED HIS FRIENDS. I have one friend I go see rarely and she is out of state right now. That sucks ! Oh well I got you guys! Hanging in there with ya !
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 5:57pm
I totally agree with you that today has been the longest and hardest. I have friends but I'm sure they are tired of listening to me. I spoke with one earlier and she was like, Maybe he's changed his mind or isn't coming back. I was thinking thanks, that really helps make me feel better. LOL

It's funny how some days are so long. As much as I want the next two days to fly by, I hate wishing my life away too. I need to get out and do something but it's so hard when your heart just isn't into it.

Good luck to you and the long evening ahead.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 7:21pm
It is really something how we both share the same emotions through this. I just know our men are thinking about us. It is hard for them trying to make it through the day without us too. I tried to do something last night. I went to see my oldest D and her family. I didn't enjoy it. I couldn't wait to get home to see if MM had called. There is a big hole in my life without him in it. He needs to start understanding my feelings alittle better. I am not going to go on like this much longer. After all, sex is just another way to express love. It isn't everything. As a human we need alot more than that. So that is how I feel at this time. In a hour I will probably be feeling another way. LOL. Sometimes I wish I could fall asleep and wake up monday. Or to him calling me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 7:50pm
Ahh, the deep bottomless hole. I would love to wake lying next to him all the time,if it comes to wishing and them coming true. hee hee
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2004
Sat, 04-10-2004 - 9:48pm
Today is FULL day 7 of NC ...whoa...seeing that in writing is sort of weird -

usually about now I get sort of needy - but I have a lot going on here to distract me from my thoughts of MM

I feel that reading like you are doing is just going to make yourself ask more questions about things -

I know it's hard but you just have to hang in there and be strong

I still have 3 more weeks of NC and the last thing I want to do is get myself all in a tizzy over my own thoughts because when I left his side on last Friday everything was great - he went away smiling and happy - how terrible for him to come home to me being moody and cranky and upset and questioning things ....

he knows I will be cranky from missing him but that is far different then questioning who I am to him -

Have confidence in your R - it's sweet you care so much for him but try hard to be strong in your love for him and you will survive this NC -

Kikki

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-16-2004
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:00pm
This is my 10th day of NC. He was out of town all last week and was due back yesterday. I haven't called him at work (He's usually swamped the day he gets back after time off) because I don't want to bug him. But knowing he's back in town and not hearing from him is killing me. Hopefully I will be able to post something more positive in the next day or so. (((HUGS))) to all of you dealing with NC.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 1:14pm
I am on 10th day also. Its so hard isnt it?? I am going nuts with no contact esp after saying he is going to move out soon. Its killing me too.

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