he has passed the 11th day
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he has passed the 11th day
| Sat, 04-10-2004 - 6:19am |
It is the 12th day now NC. I know you guys are getting sick of me by now. I am trying to understand what is happening to me and MM . I have been reading everything I can find on the subject of affairs. I want to understand what he is feeling. How he could hurt me so bad and know he is doing it. Knowing it is not who he really is . Knowing he is in constant abuse from his W . Knowing she is leaving soon. Everyone knows she is. She knows he is having an affair and yet he is keeping his self from me. When will he realize that his happiness matters and everything would fall into place if he just made the decision to stand his ground and go after what makes him happy ? I want him free . I want him to be my friend if he can't be my lover anymore. Our friendship was great for a whole year. Then the intimate stuff started and it was wonderful. It gave me hope of a brighter future everyday, until now ! Now, I feel I am losing his friendship and his love. Does he really believe hurting me is the only way to get through this? How can he hurt me when he knows that I love him more than he has ever been loved in his life? He told me when I last saw him that he was going to call his dad and talk to him. I was hoping his dad could help set him straight. He told him last time to do what will make him happy. A miracle is all that will help me.

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Hugs to you**************************
Hang in there, knowing we aren't in this alone, does help.
It's funny how some days are so long. As much as I want the next two days to fly by, I hate wishing my life away too. I need to get out and do something but it's so hard when your heart just isn't into it.
Good luck to you and the long evening ahead.
usually about now I get sort of needy - but I have a lot going on here to distract me from my thoughts of MM
I feel that reading like you are doing is just going to make yourself ask more questions about things -
I know it's hard but you just have to hang in there and be strong
I still have 3 more weeks of NC and the last thing I want to do is get myself all in a tizzy over my own thoughts because when I left his side on last Friday everything was great - he went away smiling and happy - how terrible for him to come home to me being moody and cranky and upset and questioning things ....
he knows I will be cranky from missing him but that is far different then questioning who I am to him -
Have confidence in your R - it's sweet you care so much for him but try hard to be strong in your love for him and you will survive this NC -
Kikki
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