he has passed the 11th day
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he has passed the 11th day
| Sat, 04-10-2004 - 6:19am |
It is the 12th day now NC. I know you guys are getting sick of me by now. I am trying to understand what is happening to me and MM . I have been reading everything I can find on the subject of affairs. I want to understand what he is feeling. How he could hurt me so bad and know he is doing it. Knowing it is not who he really is . Knowing he is in constant abuse from his W . Knowing she is leaving soon. Everyone knows she is. She knows he is having an affair and yet he is keeping his self from me. When will he realize that his happiness matters and everything would fall into place if he just made the decision to stand his ground and go after what makes him happy ? I want him free . I want him to be my friend if he can't be my lover anymore. Our friendship was great for a whole year. Then the intimate stuff started and it was wonderful. It gave me hope of a brighter future everyday, until now ! Now, I feel I am losing his friendship and his love. Does he really believe hurting me is the only way to get through this? How can he hurt me when he knows that I love him more than he has ever been loved in his life? He told me when I last saw him that he was going to call his dad and talk to him. I was hoping his dad could help set him straight. He told him last time to do what will make him happy. A miracle is all that will help me.

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It is easy to get in a tizzy bout things. Your mind wanders and you get these dumb ideas that something could have gone wrong.
I had NC for 9 days. That has been the longest. Our last conversation went well so I was very surprised to have not heard from him in that long. Turns out he just didn't call or email. Everything was fine. But!! I was so upset, really angry that he didn't call. Yes, I knew he was at home for a week due to the little ones springbreak, but still. He could have called!!!!
Anyway, it made me pull back a little. I long to always hear his voice, but now, I won't run to the phone as quickly as before. Sometimes, I think these men get a bit too cocky for there own good, :).
I have to not lose faith and believe that he is thinking about me as much as I am about him. Two weeks is an eternity for me. It has to be hard for him too. There has to be a good reason. People just don't do this to other people for no reason.
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