He left his wife-what's next?
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He left his wife-what's next?
| Tue, 04-20-2010 - 12:40am |
I have been having an affair for 6 years. We both had kids, etc. Now they are out of high school and he moved out after 26 years of marriage.

Well. I think I would follow his cues as you try and maneuver through this next step in his life.
When I left my husband, I wanted xAP/BF around. I didn't want him to give me the space that everyone else thought he should give me. I wanted him standing next to me because even though untangling my marriage is time consuming and emotionally draining - AP/BF is the one person I knew I could lean on. I knew that he would be there for me and I definitely wanted him there. His strength and support through this has been AMAZING. I'm glad he didn't take a step back and give me space.
However, I do think this is a very personal thing and what is right for one person may not be right for another. I would let HIM tell YOU what he wants/needs from you. Accept the boundaries that he places right now. Don't push him. He's been married a LONG time, he has a child at home who isn't handling things well and his wife is obviously upset too. Just let him know that you're there if he needs you. He may pull away from you or he may do like I did and realize he needs you most right now.
earnhardt.jr.fan is right. Take your cues from him, and try to do what he seems to want you to do.
You didn't really voice what your insecurities are in the situation. I take it that you are still married, and maybe you intend to stay that way? If that's the case, you have to expect that he may want to find a single person to share his life with, eventually. It's certainly something to talk about, and something for you to think about. But it's not something you have to bring up right at this minute, just file it away for when everything is more settled in his new "free" status. I'm not sure what you meant when you said you were tempted to "snoop". Do you suspect that there is someone else besides you and his wife? This is another conversation you should have with him eventually, if that's what you think.
In the meantime, welcome to MAS, and let us help you out here. :-)
Proud to be a
You've
Sometimes it's difficult when the betrayed spouse really doesn't know what she's dealing with.
I have been divorced for 10 years.
btrue made a good point about whether his wife knew about the affair - it appears that she only half knows. In one way people think it protects the spouse when they don't know about the affair, but in another, it means they don't have a clear picture of the situation.
I can't tell you that you shouldn't be worried, because we've seen MM go back to their marriages here, even after they've moved out - it does happen. But try not to be insecure or worried about it - be confidant in his feelings for you - and don't snoop! It will only drive an unnecessary wedge between you if he finds you snooping. Keep the lines of communication going and let him talk to you about all his feelings, even if they include some type of love for his wife (usually there is some sort of affection there that he might not feel comfortable sharing, but it you become his confidant, it will only bring you closer).
And keep us updated coco.
Proud to be a
You've
Hi CoCo;
IMO the worst thing u could do is to not show support for him, during this difficult time in his life; however the best thing you can do for yourself is to maintain your own self-confidence and do not let petty insecurities that you may have regarding the W to undermine