He Read My Journal!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
He Read My Journal!
6
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 5:50pm
My boyfriend of 3+ years read my journal the other day and discovered I had been emotionally unfaithful. While I had never actually had any physical relationship with this person (who is a close friend of mine)we had talked about it. Everytime we were supposed to meet up, something would happen and I had just come to the realization that maybe that was the Powers That Be telling me that I need to step back and re-evaulate my situation. I had been unhappy with my boyfriend taking me for granted (he would come over, eat some food and go to sleep) and lack of romance and religious differences (I wanted to start going to church, he didn't think it was a big deal). He was still a sweetheart though (in his own way). I had discussed my issues with him before and it seemed like he thought I wasn't really serious about how detrimental I felt these issues were to our relationship. As I got closer and closer with this friend of mine (a guy I dated briefly in my past) we realized he was having issues with his own relationship which, I think, caused some sort of crazy connection. I have broken my boyfriend's heart. He said he has forgiven me, but doesn't know if he'll even be able to trust me again. I am absolutely sick at the thought that I have hurt so deeply someone that I care a lot about. I have no clue what to do. Please help.......
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 6:44pm
This will probably sound too blunt, but since you say you've been unhappy with your boyfriend for a while and you have "emotionally cheated" on him I say the two of you should separate for a while. Have time to decide if your relationship is really the one you wnat to be in. You aren't married, no kids (I'm assuming), so it would be better to figure all this out now... before you are married and have children involved. It gets a lot more complicated and heartbreaking then.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 03-03-2004 - 8:55pm
That is some very good advice you should take it, you need to do what is going to meet your needs religous and emotional what ever works for you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:17am
I agere with all of the posters. If you don't have children to consider, even then, you should separate and see where your R goes from here. If you want to rebuild with him then give it some time for him to forgive you, for he will be angry for some time. Take it as a test of your R and try to work it out if you want to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 11:28am
Sometimes I go on the offense when confronted.. but I would also be asking myself how I could trust a guy that would read my journal (does that sound crazy?). I write things in there that I wouldn't want ANYONE to read! And so, now, I'm tearing mine to pieces. But listen to the other advice. Sounds like you had already come to the conclusion that something wasn't working with the OM. BF will forgive and forget if you are sincere in your efforts at reconcilliation. But don't lose site of those things that sent you out looking in the first place. They are still legitimite. Don't let BF push all the blame on you. You both need to work at it. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 1:25pm
Thanks for the advice. You're right. I think I should just take this as the time for us to decide if we really want to move forward with out relationship. I am still freaking out about him reading my journal, but i think in a roundabout way it jumpstarted the need for us to talk about a lot of things. He finally called me yesterday and said that he wanted to talk this weekend, so I'll write back afterwards and let everyone know how it went. Thanks again!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 7:50pm


I deffinatly have to agree on that one- I've had my boyfriend read my journal also and not only do you feel violated, but a sence of trust is broken. Trusting your parter not to invade space that is so intimate and private, and when taht trust is broken- its hard to gain it back. But along with everyone else's replys i agree you need space love. It's ok to be on your own for a bit... I was in a 2 1/2 year relationship where I was not emotionally happy at all... and sometimes we do things thinking it's okay because we are hurting... and its not okay. It only does more damage to you and your parter. Your lying to yourself and him. Take some time love, it'll all work out in the end. :)