He said it's not about the sex!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
He said it's not about the sex!
4
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 1:08pm
okay so normally that wouldn't bother me - but my MM has told me that the reason he's involved in this A isn't for the sex. Apparently, that's never been a problem at home! *annoyed*

So... not only have I not been getting enough - I have to deal with knowing his W probably IS!!!

How do I deal with this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 1:35pm
Hey IM,

In my opinion, I think that you may have misundertood what MM meant. I think he meant that he enjoys being with you because of you, not because of what you can give him. It doesn't mean that W is getting any more than you are from him. If you really want to know that info, ask him, but be prepared for the answer he may give you. But I would be happy if someone told me that were with me for more than just sex. It would mean to me that they thought of me more as a person rather than what I can do for them or give them. But since the subject is up in the air, tell MM that you are feeling deprived and need a little more attention to that part of your relationship.

H&H

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 1:35pm
you know, poster, the one thing my MM has told me over and over again is that he absolutely cannot get enough of the caring/attention i give him. the affection factor, i call it. we started as fwb, but the R quickly evolved into affection, caring, lots of attention. men love that!

as for the sex, tell him YOU need more of it! let him know how you feel about that.

you think he may be having sex with the W, but it's probably not as often as you think. you say "apparently" but i think he's more into the attention he gets from you, hence the comment that he's not in the A for the sex.

take care,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Wed, 08-27-2003 - 2:33pm
I agree with the other ladies...be happy he wants you for more than sex! I'm not sure if you are married, but I think that most people know what the phrase "married sex" refers to. In other words, he may be getting it at home, but I'm sure it is nowhere near as good or intense as when he's with you. That's why it really doesn't bother me too much ...although I must admit, the first time he told me he was with his W I knew I didn't want to hear about it anymore - it's hard to hear. But anyway, just try to remember that not only are you his passionate, exciting, can't wait to be with you sex, but that he also obviously cares for you as well.

Take Care!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2003
Thu, 08-28-2003 - 12:24am
Another agreement here! :) Would you WANT it to be just about the sex? It sounds like what he is trying to say is that he has real feelings for you.

With my MM in the beginning I swore sex would never be a part of it, and he honestly said that if it wasn't he would still be happy, just being with me was enough. Of course it did become sexual, and that has been incredible as well.

I KNOW that my MM has sex with his wife almost every day, and oddly enough that doesn't bother me in in the least. When we are together I KNOW that our encounters are much more satisfying to him and I know he is very happy with what we have together. I know his wife doesn't necessarily WANT to have sex with him every day (his words) so in some perverse way I hope that he gives her a break and backs off a little when he is with me (it's weird how protective I feel of his wife; I want to be sure she is not hurt). But it's their choice as to what they do in the bedroom and how often, as it is my choice with my H. It's just not relevant to what OM and I have together.