Heart to Heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Heart to Heart
5
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 9:17am

AP and I had a nice talk last night that stemmed from this board... LOL.


We talked about how difficult it will be on both of us

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2009
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 10:08am

I've swung...we have done it the last couple of years, my H and I. But it started because we had a DDay from an A I had three years ago, which in turn put us in counseling and we did an evaluation of our relationship and decided to try it. You would be going into it with a completely different reason and perspective than I did...I thought it may be enough to help me stay in my already unhappy marriage. See, I don't have the emotional connection WITH the sex, so going to these swinger parties would result in the mechanics of the act, but still would not fulfill me long term, although the first few parties were fun jsut becuase it was so out of character for us and different. It gave us something fun and new to add to our hum-drum life, but that fades after a while.


All-in-all, those people were very nice and open-minded and there is never any pressure to do anything you weren't comfortable with. I can tell you more about it, but basically I liked the parties instead of trying to meet a couple online...a little less pressure and you can just leave if you don't find it appealing or comfortable for you and him.


Being that the two of you already have a great relationship, you may like it....I see a lot of happy couples in long term marriages at these parties. Sometimes they go in and out of the lifestyle and sometimes they are always in it. They have made some great friends and no one judges anyone. It's actually a very open and freeing environment, and the people are great....from my experiences anyway! And more people do it than you'd think!


I found that I really want the emotional intimacy that is lacking in my marriage. I don't know how I lost it, I don't know if I ever had it....my husband is a great man and loves me unconditionally, but I married the "safe" choice very young, and he is 10 years older....sort of a father figure, which is what I needed at the time. Now I need to decide if I want to break up a family to look for something more or not. Ugh....anyway...if you have any questions - just ask! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 10:52am

Just a cautious thought....


My AP and I had this same talk - and at the time I was the one that was needing to take stock of what all meant (my kids are teens, his are young) because I had not - he came to ME and we both commited and reiterated we really wanted a life together after our D's.


I left my spouse.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 11:30am

Thank you for your insight :)


Yes, I will be divorcing regardless.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 11:31am

Hi!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2010
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 11:45am

Thanks for the insight about "soulmates".