Hello Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Hello Again
6
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 6:59pm
Hi FREE and all of the others that have responded to my situation, etc.

Just wanted to let you know that he has not contacted me other than in an email to say that he understands why I feel the way that I do and that he will make it up to me. YEAH UH HUH! Like anything will be any different now that he has obviously changed what our relationship used to mean which I don't even know what that was anymore.

He has not answered my email that laid everything out regarding our relationship so he is obviously ignoring it.

Funny but no matter what is happening right now I am just not happy or looking forward to whatever tomorrow brings whether that is him contacting me or NC staying in tact. I guess now is where one builds their character and strength but damn if I don't feel like a weak lost puppy right now.

Anyway - just wanted to let you know since we had talked about it so much and what needed to happen, what did happen and what shouldn't happen.

Thanks!

Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 01-20-2004 - 8:13pm
HI Confused

It's nice to here from you, you sound some what better.

I think your one of the strongest women I have ever met, the important thing is that you seem to be in control of your life again, weak as a puppy or not.

The ownly way I can see for him makeing it up involves a large truck and him not getting out of it's way.LOL:-)

If you were happy after all this drama you would have to be NUTS, just take it one day at a time.

One reason I like old fashion mail as opposed to e-mail is that real mail can explode when opened, a real attention getter ,no one ignores it.

Confused you have more character then the marine corp.

Hope school is going well.

FREE

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:57am
Good Morning, FREE.

Thank you for the kind words - I don't feel strong right now so it is nice to know that someone else thinks that I am. As for the character - I am going to be oozing of it and unbearable to be around if I deal with too many more things :)

I don't if I am in control - I question that simply because I know that this isn't all said and done either way. I truly do love this MM and have for such a long time. I feel like everything I gave was for not. I have come up empty too many times in my life that this is that much more devastating, like another message that I won't ever reach the level or quality of life and love that I have worked so hard for. They say everything happens for a reason but I am really struggling for what the reason for this was when we could have just stayed very close best friends and I would have never thought twice about anything more but instead, I lose it all and I don't know that it even matters to him. Maybe that is what hurts - that after this long, when he came back and said he wanted to be with me it wasn't for the same reasons as before because of all of the changes in our lives, even though he says it is. If it was, wouldn't I be able to feel that or know? or have I allowed my pain to cloud what is real and what isn't in order to protect me from the same thing happening again? Then it comes back to me feeling like there is something dreadfully wrong with me.

Anyway - enough of that. I am thankful that my semester is in full swing now and I am really busy with it. It serves well as a distraction at least when I am working on it all. I am also thankful for this site - it has given me a lot of perspective that I didn't have two weeks ago and for that I am grateful.

Have a great day, FREE!

Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 9:45am
Hey Confused

Hopefully a good morning for all.

I think you are strong enough to recongnize the consequences of any decisions you make were MM is concerned and make an informed decision about what direction you want your future to go, your are FREE to choose.

Whether you stay are go you will do it for your own reasons haveing weighted the costs and benefits over the long term.

I know the everything happens for a reason idea is popular with some people, but I do not agree it is because of some higher power is in control of are lifes , I am not saying there is no such power/God are whatever you like, what I am saying is IMO that are preasent life is made up of the decisions we made in the past for the large part, now haveing said that I know there are events that happen that we have no control over, death being one, but mostly the reason seems like a way to dodge responsibility for what we do and pin it on someone else.

>>>"like another message that I won't ever reach the level or quality of life and love that I have worked so hard for".<<<

Sorry I just do not accept that idea at all, you are in control of your future and all that character your oozing may be just what you need to get a man of good character who will build a life of love and trust with you.

MM reasons are his own untill you develop the ability look into a persons soul you will never really understand there most secret core reasons for the things they do, I see no worthwhile reason to torment yourself over his actions, I is better to understand youself I think, and will bare more and better fruit in your life. JMO

Its your nature to love and that will always include the risk of getting hurt so I say Love Learn and Move forward in life when YOU are ready down the path that you can live with.

Work hard in school and make us all proud


FREE






iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2004
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 11:19am
Good Morning, FREE

I know that you are right in that I should not torment myself trying to figure him and his actions out. It is a frame of mind that I am trying to change.

As for the "everything that happens for a reason", I tend to agree with you that it is in majority due to our own free will choices and decisions. My decisions have not been the greatest through my life so..... karma is hell isn't it.

You are also right in that my decisions will now be about me and with my eyes open. I have analyzed too much of what has happened for me to continue with rose colored glasses.

Have a great day!

Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 1:37pm

hi confused -- you sound much better today and that's always good.

CL-Gurlfriend50

Co-CL of My Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Wed, 01-21-2004 - 6:02pm
HI Confused

<<<""make your life happy and content, FOR YOURSELF!! karma, sharma -- treat yourself like you would your best friend. and in the meantime, do something nice for someone else. a smile, a dollar, a book, whatever. it will make you feel better. you don't have to save the world, just take care of YOU!"">>>

Gurl gives out good advice well worth takeing.

Hope you day has gone well, talk you later


FREE