Hello ... new here .... and new to affairs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Hello ... new here .... and new to affairs
15
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 8:02am

Hello~

I've been married 16 years.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sat, 11-13-2010 - 10:24am

welcome co_09,

mm here in an A w/a mw for the last two years or so..

sounds like you have approached this matter quite wisely/realistically and doing OK so far.. feel free to do a lot of reading.. much to learn from others' experiences here.. is your AP single or M?

the only thing i can say at this time is that it seems to work better when you keep things as a good, special friendship with your AP, rather than getting into deeper emotional territory, which seems to open up more that a few cans with not-so-tasty treats in them..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 12:25pm

welcome to the boards!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 11-14-2010 - 12:30pm

Welcome to MAS :)

I agree with nevereasy: since you've already begun an A, the best advice I can give you at this point is to try to keep it as a special friendship, and try to not let emotions get involved.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Wed, 11-17-2010 - 11:40am

Welcome to MAS Co_09!

I've been away for a bit, so I just now read your post.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2009
Sat, 11-20-2010 - 11:25pm

Hi Everyone..

Thank you for the welcome.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 6:41pm

Emotions, whew! tough one. I tried not to let emotions creep into my affair. But, they did. When I say emotions I mean, missing her, feeling things for her in my heart, longing to be with her, falling asleep thinking about her and waking up with my first thoughts on her. She's always on my mind and I have trouble just trying to focus on things without thinking about her. I love her but, can't tell her that right now. Thats emotions for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2010
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 6:55pm

When we first started and were in that scary not sure where things were going stage, I thought that it would be easy to not bring emotions into it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Sun, 11-21-2010 - 10:49pm

Hi co_09,

Well, the best answers lie actually in the EAS board.. where people who've ended their As due to mostly emotional challenges write.. so, a trip there to read is worthwhile.. might as well read the ASA board as well..

When you keep the A as a good, special friendship, and even if there are emotions, they are kept behing closed doors, what happens is that there are very little expectations other than a good time, a supporting friendship, making today count..

When emotions get involved too much, expectations, about a possible future, about a present that requires more commitment of time and heart, start appearing.. every little thing becomes an issue.. and pretty soon you are on squirrel duty full time.. and you don't even see it coming..

An A is a very restricted zone.. and can only tolerate so much emotion before it starts bubbling out of the pot and making a mess..

Hope this kinda shines a light..

Do keep on posting and asking away..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2010
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 9:19am
Hi Co...Welcome to what will most likely change the rest of your life..at least it has mine. I agree with what all has said..especially nevereasy in regards to emotions, expectations, and bubbling out of the pot. One word most of us continually use is "Try"--and depending on if your able to follow your head easier than your heart, success is hard to obtain with what comes after that word. Personally, my emotions have been involved for quite some time now and I continually struggle with "trying" to balance it all (H, kids, life) and of course typically unsuccessfully since AP has become a much bigger part of my life and my heart than should be.
This board has been a tremendous support even when it's just coming to read, if not write. I wish you much strength to help you with the struggles of this A and all that comes with it. As many have mentioned, try taking it slowly, light heartedly, and with a sense of yourself..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 11-22-2010 - 11:38am

Hi Co_09,

Welcome to MAS!!!

Emotions don't I wish I had an off & on switch when it comes to that bad boy. Upon entering my affair I went against my first rule....Don't get your feelings involved & that I did. I agree with everyone else that keeping it at a friendship level and having a mutual understanding of what you both want and the boundaries involved is the best way to go. Try not to have NO expectations & you won't be disappointed. It is what it is, enjoy what you have, enjoy the moment.

Being human we tend to cross lines but if you can magically some how pull that off then

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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