Hello from someone new to this board

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Hello from someone new to this board
9
Tue, 09-02-2014 - 3:03pm

Hello everyone,

Old hat to this site, but very new to this board.  Looking for support and understanding.  Not sure how well that will happen, but have to try somewhere.  Will read more posts as I'm not fully sure what I should or shouldn't say.  Isn't life awkward and strange?

Lyn

PS - Ignore the signature info.  I haven't been on this site in years and it's not letting me adjust that at this time.  Keeps lagging out.

Brandi
Age 31
Colorado Springs, CO



Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 09-02-2014 - 8:39pm

I know you said to ignore signature info, but even if it is out of date, it is dangerous to give that type of information on a public forum. People have been busted offering up too much information and you've given every bit of info one should not....ever.  Rank and serial number only ;)

Betrayed spouses read this board and other betrayed spouses have stumbled upon it and put two and two together. And someone could even decided to have a little fun...in not a fun way...with Brandi, who was 31 a while back and living in Colorado Springs at the time just because she was having an affair.  May sound paranoid, but anyone can find anyone in this day and age.

You can always start a new account and not have to worry about it.

Of course, if your name really isn't Brandi, and you were never 31 when you were posting a while back, and never really lived in Colorado Springs, then there is no need to heed this warning :)

Clarity 

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Tue, 09-02-2014 - 11:44pm

You should say whatever you want to say, or need to say, to explain why you're looking for support and/or understanding.  If you have a problem, the only way you can get what you're looking for is to explain what your problem is.  No one can support you if they don't know what support you need, or understand you if they don't know what is wrong.  The only thing that is taboo are certain words......and I can't even tell you what those words are......I have no clue. It's all anonymous......so anything goes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2004
Wed, 09-03-2014 - 1:39pm

The problem with the signature is that ivillage isn't letting me update it.  It keeps on erroring out.

Brandi
Age 31
Colorado Springs, CO



Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Wed, 09-03-2014 - 2:46pm

I get that. It's been a problem for many for almost two years now...since ivillage did the big switch over. I had the same problem and had to create a new account. It's easy peasy.

Clarity

Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board

Avatar for ananemus
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2013
Wed, 09-03-2014 - 3:31pm

OP Lyn , the updates fail the first time. Try again a second time without logging off and the updates usually succeed. 

Clarity, thanks for bringing the pitfalls of real references in here and let's assume that everything is real, please edit your post to remove all references to What-her name is and where-she lives. I am sure you will, but, all the same, people forget to edit such stuff. 

Anan

The past is done, the future has yet to come. Live in the present moment honestly with few chances of regret.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2014
Wed, 09-03-2014 - 5:45pm

well i have tremendous guilt , i met my AP 6 months ago but feels like a lifetime i have known him!  we are deeply in love and want to be together... we never meant to fall so hard or change situations but when you know you know... he is older and has so much to lose but he is willing for me.. i dont deserve him but love him deeply... how do i get past guilt..i refuse to stop loving him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2014
Wed, 09-03-2014 - 5:45pm

well i have tremendous guilt , i met my AP 6 months ago but feels like a lifetime i have known him!  we are deeply in love and want to be together... we never meant to fall so hard or change situations but when you know you know... he is older and has so much to lose but he is willing for me.. i dont deserve him but love him deeply... how do i get past guilt..i refuse to stop loving him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Thu, 09-04-2014 - 11:53am

6 months isn't a very long time, even if you were both single.  You don't really know each other......and add to that the "excitement" of sneaking around because he is obviously married, or in a relationship.  He has much to lose, but he's willing to lose it?  Well, then let him lose it, THEN see how things go.  You don't know a man until you live with him, either.  it's easy and a lot of fun sneaking around, having a quick hug and whatever.......and then both going home.  But all of that aside......you need to work on your self-esteem. If you feel you don't deserve him, then maybe you don't.  If you feel guilty, then deep down you know it's wrong.  The biggest test of all...........if he's equally in love, and is willing to give up whatever he will be losing, then let him do it NOW......give it all up, and see how things work out then.  If he tells you he can't do it now, then he's not willing to give anything up, and he's stringing you along.  Older married men do that quite often with younger women.  It's a boost to their egos!  Let him prove his intentions by ending his marriage, giving up half or more of his property and then you'll know he's playing you.  It can't happen overnight, so if he hasn't done it completely by the time you're together a year,. then it's time for you to move on.  Good Luck....they're not ALL players, but most are.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2014
Thu, 09-04-2014 - 12:35pm

Thank you for your opinions... actually he has already told her and is in the middle of a mess, he is moving forward quickly and we have had an apt together for 41/2 months so live together as best we can... he has never cheated and is very self confident so no need for me to boost his image although he is very proud to be with me he never flaunts me... we were meant for each other..think its genuine love... we will see  I guess , my guilt is for everyone around us because we are both such good upstanding people... but trying to divorce without it being because of our affair ..just hard to hide that we are so in love ...thanks again