Help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Help?
2
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 4:36pm
I posted on "Support for ending the affair" because I am considering ending a relationship that I have been in for 6 months. I am in love w/ the other man, but after 3 months of seperation, I reluctantly agreed to let my H move back in. Anyway, I am wondering if any of you have left your spouse for another relationship. How did you gain the courage?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
In reply to: confused910
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 5:19pm
I'm sorry for the pain you must be going through. I'm not sure if you have children, but if so, that makes everything that much harder. I am leaving my M, but not for IS (my own abbreviation, she is not an OW to me). I do hope to build a R with her down the road, but it took me stepping away and going to counseling to figure out whether I wanted to remain in my M or not. I recommend the same thing in your situation. You are clearly torn about what to do. You need to be sure that leaving your M is what you want before taking that step. I would ask your H to go to counseling with you. If he refuses, go alone. If you determine through your counseling that you should no longer be in your M, it will give you some strength to know that you are doing the right thing. To be honest, I have no idea where I'm getting my strength. Some days I feel like just crawling in a hole. Others I feel like trying to take it all back and shove my feelings back deep inside me. But I can't do that and I don't want to. I like who I am and I love who I can become. And I feel horrible about hurting my W and especially about making my son's life less ideal. But I am a good parent and I believe I am a good person. And when I start to feel weak, I just remind myself that if I were to turn back now, all the same issues would still exist. And I know that at some point I would end up leaving again and that will just hurt everyone that much more.

I really hope you find the peace and love you deserve, whether it be in this M or in a future without your H. In any case, please seek out counseling. It was the best thing I've ever done.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
In reply to: confused910
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 5:31pm
confused, I answered you on the other board... BK HUGS!!