Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Help
3
Sat, 12-13-2003 - 8:48pm
I'm 26 years old and have been married for almost 6 years but have been with my husband for 7 years. 2 1/2 years ago after talking everyday for about a week something sparked between my neighbor and I. He is 47 and has been married for 25 years. I then began having a secret crush on him that I held inside until May of this year. At that time I was working on salvaging my marriage and decided to just get it off my chest and tell him so I could get on with my life.

At first I was rejected which I was in a way disappointed but mostly relieved. Or so I thought. After that everytime he seen me was smiling and saying hello to me. When he was mowing his yard I would catch him staring and smiling at me.

Then in the summer his teenage daughter babysat for me. When I would come over he would play little games with me like tie my shoes together which would aggravate his wife. Conversations would come up about me and he would take my side. These are things he never used to do.

One day he was working on some things around the house and he made the comment I was "distracting" him. That same day he also made the comment "remember how fun it was making babies?"

After that I got aggravated with him. But at the same time I took it as minor flirting.

He has gone as far as standing over me and rubbing his leg against mine, quickly patting and rubbing my back. He came into his daughters room one day while I was leaning on her bed and came behind me trying to knock my arm out from me and about fell on me (which I know was his intentions).


Just about everytime I've gone over there I catch him staring at me.

His teenage son came up to me one time and said while him and his dad were on the front porch talking to me his dad made the comment " here comes your mom because she thinks Jennifer and I are having a fling".

But what feeds this desire I have is the fact his marriage is far from perfect. I talk to his wife frequently and she talks about leaving him. The kids tell me they fight and argue all the time and wish they would just divorce.


With my husband being on medical leave and dealing with his health problems I've been extremely strained. I've about given up on our marriage and he knows this.


I'm very confused as to what my neighbor wants. It seems like everytime I forget and attempt to go on something happens to stir things right back up and that crush comes right back.


Of course I would like to be with him but I don't know if he is just playing mind games or what.

I've wanted to talk with him about this again but cannot find the words to say.

I've even thought about selling the house and moving away which is the most drastic thing I could do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: jenn51177
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 2:28pm
Jen, I really don't think you should do anything drastic. Perhaps you should let him make the first move, since he rejected you once before. He is probably interested and regrets rejecting you. If you can find a way to spend time with him alone somewhere, perhaps you could talk to him and ask him if he is just playing games.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
In reply to: jenn51177
Sun, 12-14-2003 - 11:53pm
Thanks for the advice. Right now the only way to communicate with him without other people being around is writing him a letter. We work at the same place just different shifts so I've considered leaving one at his vehicle.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2003
In reply to: jenn51177
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 7:40pm
Are you sure you want to put things in writing, Jen? It would be hard to live by the golden rule: deny, deny, deny.