Help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Help!
2
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 2:25am
Dear All,

I've been keeping this to myself for so long i feel like i'm about to explode so here goes:

I'm 23 years old and have been going out with my boyfriend (who's 10 years older than me) for 2 years or so. It's been a good 2 years but it's certainly not been exciting simply because he's not the exciting type, he's very mild tempered and settled. I myself had never been a party girl crazy type and therefore find great comfort with a boyfriend like him, or so i thought.

Recently, I've gotten pretty close to a male colleague of mine (as it is, my boyfriend also works in the same company only in different departments) and though we're really worlds apart, we click. Although i know he's got a girlfriend, i can't stop thinking about him. When i found out he's equally attracted to me, i couldn't control myself and kissed him. I know things could never work out between the two of us and indeed, i am not prepared to sacrifice my boyfriend, i decided to embark on an affair with him.

God, i know what i'm doing is bad but i can't help it and with the two of them both working in the same company, i'm really skating on thin ice but i just can't STOP!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
In reply to: chestnutjo
Fri, 12-12-2003 - 8:34am
Well, them being in different departments will certain help matters but you have to consider your job in all this. Is it possible if the affair is discovered your job could be jeopardized? That's something to consider. I think some people do embark on an affair because of the excitement of it. Let me ask you something... Did you grow up in a stable household with a mom and dad who loved you and lavished attention on you? Because if you grew up with instability, it's possible you simply can't be satisfied with stability. (i.e. "boredom") I've discovered a little of that with my own situation. I grew up without a father, really, and with an unstable stepfather, but I had a mother who loved me. So now I have a great husband but yet it's not enough. My marriage is actually better when things are either going really well with MM or really horribly with him. When things get dull in the in-between times, I get bored with my marriage as well. It's a strange thing... Maybe some people are just not happy without the roller coaster ride. HOWEVER, I should say that you should do some major introspection before you enter into a marriage with this man. Because if you aren't 100% happy now, you REALLY aren't going to be happy if you ever settled into the daily routine of married life. Someone tried to tell me that just a couple of days before my own wedding and I didn't listen, and look where I am now. But I think I HAVE to have that stability in my life to enjoy the other stuff more...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
In reply to: chestnutjo
Mon, 12-15-2003 - 2:08am
Dear Lilah,

thanks for your reply. i really appreciate it. yes, you're right, i am worried about the affair jeopardizing my job but i'm at this stage where i'm completely addicted to this other guy. i don't know if the fact that it's forbidden even comes into my affection for this guy. i just can not control myself. that having been said though, i have no intentions of leaving my current bf for him. i know that in the end, things are not going to work out between the two of us, yet, at this very moment, i just could not help it. despite all our differences, i do so love him. i know i'm in dangerous territory and indeed what i'm doing is so, so wrong but you know how sometimes, it just can't be helped?

and to answer your question, i was brought up in a fairly happy and complete family, although i suspect that my sister being my dad's pet has something to do with my wanting attention and affection from men.