Help! After NC-he's "swinging by"
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| Thu, 04-22-2004 - 1:44pm |
My story:
Met MM in my new job in January. Basically everyone else's story- immediate connection, we couldn't stay away, etc. Crazy part! I almost moved in with him and his wife while I found a place to live. That's important because he has some of my stuff.
We were together several times. After one of these times, he said he wanted to end the physical part, but "didn't want to lose me as a friend." His basis-his baby girl-didn't want to lose her. I understood and told him the decision was up to him. We talked a few days later, because I was being promoted and I wanted him to be part of the ceremony. I didn't want to regret having him not participate if he decided to come back. After the ceremony, I told him that I wanted to talk to him before he left for a month's long training. I was planning on getting my stuff while he was gone and healing during this time. Never called me.
Then he called while he was at training. He told me that he had needed time to sort things out because he was having feelings of " I can't live without this woman in my life." In any case, we talked frequently and planned on getting together when he got back. During that time I talked to his W because I needed some of my stuff. I learned that she had given him an ultimatum about marrying him. I really felt guilty about things and told him so when we talked. He told me I shouldn't.
When he got back I saw him once. I just had a gut feeling something was wrong. Next day I got a message on my phone with him asking me what I had said to his wife, because she might be suspicious. I was stunned, because I am the paranoid one and if anyone ever found out about us I could be charged with a crime and kicked out of my job. Called him back. Expected to hear from him. Never did. I didn't find this so odd, but left a couple of messages.
Finally on Tues I called his home to arrange to pick up my stuff. His W was very sweet to me-there is no way she could be suspicious. So I Left a message telling him that I wanted to talk to him before he left for training again and that I deserved at least that much. Never called back. Yesterday I was fed up and left a message saying call me so I can pick up my stuff.
While I would be hurt that it is over, I couldn't just get over it without some sort of good bye. He called me today. His voice was cheery and he asked me where I was working. He had to pick up some things here and was going to swing by. I was very cold which he picked up on and said "is that ok?" I said yes.
I can only assume he wants to talk- because there was no mention of bringing my things by.
I wanted answers and this might be the last time we talk, but now I can't think of the questions and while this last week taught me that I can't be in this R because I can't deal with the NC, part of me wants him to have plausible excuses. (There is just no possible way he did not have the opportunity to call me and at least tell me that NC was because of W and not him). I feel so weak.
Oh and here is the kicker. It turns out that two days after he wanted to be "friends" he converted to Mormonism. Everyone, but me knew. I would have thought that this would have come up in our conversations. I am pretty sure he did it for his wife. If he genuinely believed, he wouldn't have called me while he was gone. And really, Mormons do not believe in polygamy, so he is not trying to make me a "second wife".
How do you all deal with C after NC? I just don't know how to react when he comes by. And what about my stuff?? : ) Even if things went well this will be my last chance to see him for 2 months.
Thanks for letting me vent.

ahhh, we have another cakeman here! that means MM wants his cake (W) and eat it too (you) and you cannot be a slice of cake anymore.
call his home, talk to the W, tell her you want your stuff on X date. go with a car/truck and get the stuff. put all the stuff in storage if you can't take it to your home. and then don't let this guy talk to you again.
what possible excuse can he come up for not calling you that with that you would accept --his phone service was zapped by aliens, he broke all his fingers and couldn't punch in your number?? what???
MM is playing you now. he probably felt a little too much for you emotionally and pulled away and was in hiding until those feelings died down. he's a guy, with a W, and a career. he wanted the R/A when it was convenient and fun for him, but as soon as it started to be a burden, he disappeared.
accept no excuses. there are none. just get your stuff and get the heck out of his life. find a nice single guy to focus on, or two, or three. don't waste anymore of your time trying to figure MM out. you can't!!
keep your self-respect gurl and just let it go.
life