Help-am going crazy with guilt.
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Help-am going crazy with guilt.
| Sun, 01-25-2004 - 8:24am |
I live in a foreign country and after deciding to stay one more year knew that i needed to meet some likeminded people who spoke English or go nuts this next year. I have colleagues and acquaintances but with little in common. I met a great colleague (who has since gone back to Canada) and i met a national who speaks perfecdt English and with whom I could have intelligent conversations with. We met about weekly to just talk and talk and talk. These times we very enjoyable and we found we could talk about everything. But then after about six months he started developing romantic feelings for me and I felt close to him and we started sleeping together. He has been a wonderful companion, friend, and lover. The problem is he is married and even though he says he is in a lovelss marriage, I am feeling guilty. I know that we give a lot to each other and I'll be leaving in a year and that he is the one responsible for decisions he makes about his life and his marriage. I also know the culture here--that many marriages are arranged, are loveless, married couples don't socialize together here--the women do things with their friends and the men do things with their friends. Even though they don't like to admit it affairs are very prevelant. So, I didn't think too much of the platonic time we spent together--it's just that i feel guilty since we added the sexual demiension. He says that his marriage is loveless and he must keep the peace at home by pretending with her that things are normal--including sex once in a while. so of course he lies and tells her he is out drinking with friends when he is with me. (out drinking with friends is the thing men do here-every day after work) He actually rarely even drinks. I think he has probably never known such acceptance and feeling so comfortable with a woman so, he keeps wanting to make this the love affair of the century--and then feels stuck becaue he won't leave his wife--divorce is veery rare, here and a divorced uneducated woman would have little chance of making it. He is very educated and realy married someone unsuitable for him--very, very typical here. I also feel guilty because he says I am the love of his life-- I am NOT in love with him nor would ever want anything more than this warm and affectionate companionship that we have-even if he was available. He is very romantic and a sweet lover. I truly enjoy this man's company and attention and we do give a lot to each other. I've been very sick the last couple of weeks and he has been here almost everyday taking care of me. The times we spend together are great-we do a lot of different things together, share a lot of the same interest. This is the first time i have ever been with a married man--I know at home i would never do this. But at home i would want a relationship with someone that would have the possibility of going somewhere Except for the guilt I feel, this would be the perfect no strings attached sweet and tender love affair and is making my life here easier and more pleasant. Can anyone give some feedback???

Mama