HELP! With a colleague?
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| Thu, 06-25-2009 - 3:27pm |
Hi Guys,
I posted last year about a potential A with my married advisor. While I was able to stay away at the time, I've got a new situation and I absolutely need to vent.
In brief, I'm 25 yr old graduate student with a WONDERFUL boyfriend. Starting in March, a colleague of mine started hitting on me. I ignored it for a while and it seemed to go away since we hung out more as friends than anything else. Last night, I had a few too many beers and one thing led to another and clothes came off. I stopped it from going to full sex (don't know how I did), but we went far enough.
Today, I'm a wreck. While I like the guy personally, it seems as though he has deeper feelings for me than I thought. Did I mention he's married? Whats wrong with me? I'm an emotional and neurotic mess right now, so I'm not sure how coherent this post is. I can't get ANY work done. I've been sitting and staring at my computer all day wondering why I let it get this far.
He came to see me a bit earlier and I couldn't even look him in the eye. I kept the conversation work related, but I'm seriously such a mess right now that I don't even know what I sounded like.
I'm going through all sorts of guilt right now to the point where I'm shaking. Part of me is shaking because I LIKED what we did last night. Sex with the BF is great, very romantic and sweet but ultimately, pretty boring unless I take the initiative to spice it up a bit. Last night was EXPLOSIVE caveman wild and unlike anything with BF and a very strong part of me wishes we could have continued.
Argh, I'm not making any sense. I DON'T want to do anything with him again but I DO. I feel like calling him back for round 2, but I don't want to feel this craptastic anymore.
If you've made it this far through a very convoluted post, please help. There is really no one I can talk to. Thanks for listening.

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