I was hoping this might be a good place to get some advice or to at least tell my story since so many of you are in similar situations. Where do I start? About a year and a half ago, my now ex-husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore. Not long before he realized this, I had a m/c and we had up until his "revelation" been trying to conceive our second child. I also found out that he was at least emotionally involved with another woman (he denies it was an A until this day but I don't really believe that). Anyway, it was obviously a tough time for me and I began to confide in this man at work who I had been friendly with. He is the type of person who goes out of his way to help anyone and was a really great friend to me during the divorce and moving into a new home with my son, etc. Well, I probably realized I was developing feelings for him but would never even think of crossing that line because I believed he was happily married. Then, a couple of months ago, we went to a night time work function together and ended up going out afterwards, just the two of us. He ended up kissing me that night and telling me he had fallen in love with me. I was very confused but ended up starting an A with him. Since we work together, we are able to go to lunch everyday (everybody just thinks we are good friends - he is the LAST person anybody would suspect is having an A) and see each other quite often here and there outside of work since his wife kind of knows me. I alternate between feeling blissfully happy about our relationship to feeling like the biggest heal that ever lived! He has talked about leaving his wife but is worried about his girls (11 + 14 years old).
Now I am pretty sure I am pregnant and I am so scared! (5 days late but I am always regular!) I am a single mom as it is to a 3 and a half year old. I have no family that lives near by to help me. I doubt any of my friends would support or understand this situation I have gotten myself into. And, I am so afraid to tell MM. I am afraid he will think I did this on purpose because I used to always talk about how much I wanted another child. And, under different circumstances, I know he would want another child too. I don't see abortion as an option. Yet, I don't know how I am going to swing it on my own. And, to top it off, MM started telling me this week how he has been having these draining and lengthy discussions with his W about whether to leave or not. I doubt this is going to help him make a clear decision. I don't want him to leave just because of this. I have been in major denial mode but I know the time is going to come for me to do something!
Thanks for taking the time to read. Any input would be appreciated.
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BUT FIRST...before more analysis...find out for sure!!!
I believe in choice because some condition under which you get pregnant - like a rape - you need a choice to decide if you want to keep the child or not. My friend of two years was gang raped and got pregnant as a result of it. Till today she does not know who the father of her daughter is but is glad she had the choice. I also know a couple who chose to abort because it was revealed to them that the unborn child had Down's Syndrome. I don't judge them as "killers" for it. I wouldn't have done it, but they chose it to abort because they felt they were not ready for having a child with special needs. God knows there have been flimsier reasons for aborting before them.
To each to his/her own. May the choice to choose never been taken away.
Edited 4/8/2004 3:27 pm ET ET by funnyface03
*THUD*
(The sound of me jumping off of my soap box)
We now take you back to our original post.
To clarify, no, I did not intentionally try to get pregnant. But, I have to admit that although I am feeling scared and alone about this, there is also a big part of me that is thrilled at the prospect at having another baby (the part that obviously does not take into account the complete reality of the situation!).
I think that MM will be supportive - he loves kids and would never pressure me to have an abortion. But, I just realize how much more *complicated* it makes both of our lives. He is a great father and his dd's are great girls and I would hate to ever jeapordize his relationship with them in any way. I mean, how are they going to take it? I am almost tempted to let everyone believe that the father is some stranger just to spare everyone all of the hurt that would result from this.
But, like you have said, first things first. I do need to take a test and then take it from there! I am just so nervous to actually confirm it ... it seems so much easier for now to just avoid it!
I will keep you all posted.
being a newbie around here...
after reading your post ...
this is what came to mind and what I would do...
This is just "my opinion"
I would tell him
tell him all my thoughts feelings and have enough faith in
the relationship to find a solution together...
that is a lot to carry on your shoulders and you need to tell him
either way I wish you the best of luck in your situation
Hope it works out in whatever way you wish it too
best wishes
M G T
Hi Swiss,
Welcome to the board. I agree with Saturday, if you are indeed pregnant you are not solely to blame. I don't buy much into the arguement that women trap men by getting pregnant, it takes two. Also, if you are pregnant, I am sure that your friends will be more supportive than you think. Real friends stand by you through thick and thin. They don't have to have all of the details and who cares what they think knowing that you are a single mom. I am sure their closets have a bone or two in them. Good luck and I will be interested to hear with you are pregnant or not.
Well, I took the test tonight and as I thought, it is definitely POSITIVE! I am going through a million thoughts right now. How am I going to manage emotionally, physically, financially, etc, etc.. Then, as weird as it sounds, I am actually scared of losing this baby (my last pregnancy 2 years ago when I was still married was a m/c). I am trying to remain as positive as possible about everything. Personally, I know abortion is not an option for me. I actually really want this baby. I am just not sure if I am in touch with all of the "realities" that are soon to hit me! Maybe I am still in a little bit of shock!
MM and I are supposed to spend the day together tomorrow so I am hoping I will be able to muster up the courage to tell him. My ds is spending tomorrow night at his dad's too so maybe I can clear my head a little.
I am thankful to have found this board. I am sure to have a lot more to say. Thanks again for listening.
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