Help, I'm Caving!!!!
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| Sat, 01-03-2009 - 3:47am |
Most of you here know me , and know that my AP didn't stick to the deadline of 1 year to get himself together, and get his own place, so just before Thanksgiving I broke it off w/ him. Doing that was one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. My AP means everything to me, and I want us to be together and raise our son together.
It seems of lately AP has started using another technique to try to get me to come back. Now I can honestly say that I have been very diligent in not calling him, or allowing him to know just how hurt that I am. I have been dating, and let him know all about it. ;)
He is insistent that I am making a mistake by breaking off w/ him. He says that I am looking at things from an emotional viewpoint when this is strictly about finances. He says that three extra months will allow him to get a house instead of a apartment, and then he will have a place for all of us to live. He has also stated that "Lord forbid you get M tomorrow I'm still leaving her. I can't stay here."
I told him it would be so much easier for me if he would just admit that he doesn't love me, and really don't want to be w/ me which is what I had gathered by his actions. He says he not going to lie to me because he does love me, and wants a to be a family.
His rational as to why he's not really attentive, and is sometimes distant is because he can't give me %100, because he's M, but once he leaves the marital home things will be different. At that time I will be his woman, and he will treat me accordingly.
Since we have been broken up I have at times been devastated. I was teetering on the edge there for a minute. Loosing the only man that I have ever loved twice in one lifetime was more than I could handle. I truly, truly love this fool, and this latest round of temptation has proven to be too tempting for me.
He asked if I will stop dating when March comes and he has his own place. I told him I have no idea what March has in store for me, but for right now I'm going to continue to date others, and take a wait and see attitude w/ him. He admitted that he is hurt that I am dating others, but understands why I am doing it. He also said that my dating others has been a learning experience for him. When I asked what he has learned, he stated " I know if I don't keep my game tight, you will leave me for another." I told him I'm glad that he knows that now. Just two months ago I think he would have bet his life that I would never see anyone else.
My question I guess is is it OK for me too see him until March, and still date others? Should I just keep on the path that I am on, and not deal w/ him at all even after March? I don't want to continue the mind set that I love enough for the both of us, because that is really how it feels at times. Then other times I can tell that he does love me. I know that I am 100 times happier just since talking to him once or twice when it was about something not pertaining to our son Seth. I'm just so confused. I welcome all opinions, and any advise that you my friends may have.

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You are wining girl! If making him jealous and insecure is working for you and making him come crawling back, go for it!
I am also the S one with a MM and have been dating behind his back.Honestly,i cant sleep alone at night.i have to have it and he cant give it to me every night,kwim? He doesnt know about my night adventures yet but is aware of a couple of guys i have went on date with.he doesnt like it.i dont as well but since i want my thing,i have to make believe the other guys that i am interested.
Play carefuly ;)
hi i understand completely what you mean by you want it everynight and MM cant be there every night.
Wow iluj0hn!
Thats amazing,hon! how do you juggle,lol! not to offend you but if that was me,i would not remember who's who and mix them all up!
Have fun!
You have done great since your breakup. I say keep doing what you're doing. Let him put his money where his mouth is. See what transpires come March, but don't hold your breath. Don't promise anything. Don't be available to him. And certainly don't resume the affair. You have put up with his shenanigans for far too long. He needs to sh*t or get off the pot. In the meantime, you have a life to live, and it doesn't include waiting around for his dumb a$$. (Sorry, know you dig him.) I would leave things just the way they are. This isn't just about whether he loves you and wants a life with you. This is actually more about whether he doesn't love her and doesn't want his life to be with her. Because he will leave regardless of the status of things with you, if this is truly the case. And what you are doing is more about you and making your life better. Regardless of what happens with him.
I say keep dating. You never know...you just may actually meet someone that you hit it off with and care for. You just never know.
Stay strong, remain on course, let him man up and do what he's been claiming he wants to do, but don't count on it. Because, like someone else said, if you jump back in and March comes and nothing happens, you may find yourself in a real bad way.
I have been given a timeframe as well, more loose but a timeframe regardless...
That being said, I admire you
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