HELP - I'm an IDIOT... PLEASE HELP...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
HELP - I'm an IDIOT... PLEASE HELP...
9
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 1:17pm

Never posted here before... been in and out of A for 3 years now... We keep going on and off... I'm so sad right now! I'll try to be brief, and desperately appreciate any advice... Thanks.

I met him 8 years ago. I asked him out, after much coaxing he agreed and we met in a park for a bit. We met once a week while he had a GF, then he stopped calling after about 1 month. 5 months later he contacted me and we started again for about 5 months - then I stopped calling him b/c of his GF. We got back together a few months later when he dropped GF, but he always kept me at arms length - even refused S**. I do not know why he refused, he also said he did not like kissing - a real disapointment to me. I stopped calling him when after leaving him a "hot" msg. and asking him to call that night, he did not. I called him a week later and was given no "sorry" or "explanation", so I did not return his 2 calls after that. Well, a year went by and I healed a bit, but was still thinking of him. I got in touch through a mutual friend and he called me. Feeling guilty about an A, I did not return his call.
5 months went by, then he texted me....said "hello". I replied and we got together on a Wednesday.
It was the best time I have ever spent with him. He kissed me and we seemed real close. He said he would be around Friday if I was free. We left it kind of open... I said call me... he said he would leave it up to me b/c of my situation - didn't want to pressure me. Well, Friday I sent him a text saying I wasn't sure if I could get out, but would call if I could. No reply. That night (4 hours later) I called him to say I was out and to call me if he could. No reply. It is the next day now and I haven't heard from him. He was always like that... not leaving phone messages... My question is... what do I do now? He said he would leave it up to me (calling etc.). Should I call him again next week and ask what's up or should I just not call and wait until he does? I'm kind of thinking this whole thing was a set up by him to get back at me for "dumping" him.... Did he try to "Hook" me just to dump me to let me know how it feels? Or am I jumping to conclusions? Should I try calling again, or wait until he does? He may not call since he said he would leave it to me... but I DID call on Friday. He knows I'm not always available (I'm married, he's single), so he doesn't call much - What bothers me most is that it was 7:00 Friday when I called..... what was he doing that he couldn't call back within an hour? Only thing I can think is that he was on a date.... otherwise, he could have called.... What should I do, call or wait for him to????? Sorry so long.... PLEASE HELP ME... I'm so down today..... Thank you....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 3:23pm
If it where me, i know i would call one last time. Do what u feel is right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 4:09pm
Thanks for your reply. I probably will call, as I'm sure he will not. I'm so hurt and confused. Would you think that the only reason a man would not call on a Friday night would be because he was out with someone else? If it were guys, I think he would take time to respond.... Sorry... thanks for your reply....
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 4:44pm
He probably was out on a date is all i can think of
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2008
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 7:58pm

Ok.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Sat, 03-28-2009 - 10:56pm

I agree in part - I don't think he's a whack job, he's just not really taking her seriously because she's M.

He's just being opportunistic while making her do all the work... It doesn't sound like he's interested in an A, really... I would let this one go, not worth the risk of getting hung up over him.

hugs,

trixie

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Sun, 03-29-2009 - 1:23pm
Thank you all for the replies. I've been hung up on him for 8 years now... I hate thinking of the waste of time. I keep thinking he acts the way he does because I'm married. Why do I have such trouble getting over him?! I think I'll wait to call. He acts like I should call b/c I'm married, but I have my own phone and he won't leave a message.... I don't know. I know he'll be expecting to get together on Wednesday night.... do you think I should wait until Wednesday passes.... call Thursday or is that too long to wait? It may just look like I'm pissed. I don't know how to handle this and can't stop thinking of the numerous possibilities etc.... Thanks again for the help and support!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2008
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 9:21am

Sorry for all the questions... I was wondering what you all think I should say to him - do I mention Friday and ask what he did or should I act like it doesn't matter to me? If I leave him a message, what should I say - just call me?

Also, should I wait a while to call? He will probably expect a call on Wednesday, so I was thinking of waiting till after that.... Do I have a right to be upset by his not being there Friday?

As for whack job :) I've been wondering what he's up to as well. I can't ask him what we are doing, how he feels because he never really answers, always skirts around it. Problem is, he is very good looking and I'm attracted - stupid I know...

Thanks again

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 11:52am
If he was expecting a call on wed, well then call him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2008
Mon, 03-30-2009 - 4:53pm


Whoa!! From the writing it seems that you are going on a date!
What do you want? A lover? FWB/BC?? What is it? Or are you enjoying this emotional earthquake?

Having a lover has very different rules. First is discretion. This might be scary for him. Male culture is to drive away rivals. There is that to consider.

He seems to have distance because his experience may have been that of the "opening act". And after he has warmed you up: you go back to the main course!!

Just some food for thought.

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