Help, I'm in trouble, BAD
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 08-26-2003 - 12:00pm |
I don't know, maybe I am...
I am 33 years old, a married mother of 3 and pregnant with my 4th. About 2 months ago I
got fired from my job for something that was just policy, but I didn't have to be
fired over it. I've worked at this place for 15 years and then one day, gone. No package, no lay off. Nothing. My husband is self employed so needless to say this has put a huge strain on our marriage. Not that it was every more than average to begin with, but now it's horrendous.
so a few weeks ago my friend who lives in an apt. downstairs from my in my house, had her new boyfriend over for the weekend. He brought a friend. All my kids were away with my husband camping and i was home alone. I went down to meet them and I swear to God, I felt like my knees would buckle underneath me when I just laid EYES on the friend. He was absolutely gorgeous. We flirted for a long time and he then got very touchy feely. Nothing more than just touching me but I felt like I was in another world. I never was attracted to my husband really. We got married because I was pregnant and then there was just nothing there at all. We lived together, fought most of the time and never ever had good sex. Ever. So when I felt this excitement from this kid, I went with it. I figured, what do I have to lose? no one is hear, this will never happen again, I'll just play around... He is Brazilian, 20 years old, and not staying in this country. I swear he looks more than 20 years old or else I wouldn't have bothered...I had no idea. He was just the most gorgeous sexual thing I've ever laid eyes on. And for him to be that interested in me as well? It was scary. So we ended up having sex. I know that is really gross since I am pregnant. I have never so much as kissed another man since I met my husband 10 years ago. I am only 8 weeks pregnant so I am not showing and dont' feel it, although the guilt of it all has almost killed me.
He ended up calling me for 2 weeks, almost every day, calling me baby and telling me he couldn't live without me. We made arrangements to see eachother twice (HIS IDEA) and both times he called saying something came up and we couldn't see eachother. Since the last time, it's been a week, he has not called once. I don't want to screw his life up if he's decided on his own this is not a situation he wants to be in. But I wish he would tell me that. I feel so horrible now. After everything that happened to me at work, and my husband not caring about me and never really loving me, and then finding someone that made me come alive probably for the first time since I was a teenager, and he ends up rejecting me? I feel sick and horrible and guilty for putting myself in a situation like this. I don't even know where to turn or what to do. If he called right now I would feel so much better but I just know he won't. Please help me deal with this....What did I do and why would someone be so utterly attracted to someone like he was to me, dying to see me again and then just BAM, nothing??? Is it me??? I'm so confused and sad. I cannot focus and can't stop crying. Thank you very much for any advice. Obviously this is the only place I can turn since I cannot talk of this with any other soul! C....

Well, honestly, i think the situation is this..
He is 20 years old. Can you think back to the mentality of a 20 year old. They are looking for sex, not entirely their fault, just hormones. Seriously, he is probably not in the mind frame to cary on a relationship. He probably is just living life and wanting to be free right now. Thats what you get from a 20 year old. Its not you at all hon. Trust me. Don't beat your self up about it at all. Its not any inadequacy of you.
ITs him.
Hope you are doing ok.
Sabrina
You're missing the forest for the trees. You had one night of fabulous sex with a gorgeous young thing who reminded you that you are a beautiful, desireable woman. I'd kill for a night like that.
His disappearing act most likely has to do more with fear than with any desire of you. In fact, I bet he just got cold feet, whether because he himself is rethinking the situation or is being influenced by friends.
So enjoy what you had... a fantastic night... and then decide what you really want to do next with your life. Being unhappy with four children... well, there's an awful lot for you to think about.
Take care,
lily