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| Sat, 02-21-2004 - 3:51pm |
I am in the beginning of an affair with a terric person. He is a co-worker but also a good friend. We have worked together for almost 2 years and up until 3 weeks ago we were just friends,then neither one of us knows what happened but boom our emotions came out.
I have been married 24 years and he 23. My kids are 23-17... I married young as I am only 44. My H is a great guy but he is not an affectionate guy. Never has been. Put it this way I hate any holidays that involve gift giving because he doesn't buy gifts or take me out to dinner. When my daughter was at home he would send her out to get something, and or buy pizza for mother's day, b-day etc. I always just let it go. But this new man tells me how he would love to take me out, and he buys me small gifts . I want to have this affair no doubt about it but I also want to hang with my husband atleast for another year to see mny youngest through high school.
This man's marriage isn't great, his wife is a not a real positive person. I have thought that from the first time I met her, so it isn't anything I have just decided.
Quite honestly I have thought of venturing on my own after all my kids have gone anyway, but in some ways this complicates matters and someways it makes it easier.
Any suggestions from anyone out there. We have not slept together due to the fact that where do you go? We are both new to this so called double life. How can we get together. His wife is going away for a couple of days- is going to his house a bad idea? Whew I just would never have thought this would happen to me, and I don't know who I can tell except sharing it here. Thanks in advance for any suggestions
I have been married 24 years and he 23. My kids are 23-17... I married young as I am only 44. My H is a great guy but he is not an affectionate guy. Never has been. Put it this way I hate any holidays that involve gift giving because he doesn't buy gifts or take me out to dinner. When my daughter was at home he would send her out to get something, and or buy pizza for mother's day, b-day etc. I always just let it go. But this new man tells me how he would love to take me out, and he buys me small gifts . I want to have this affair no doubt about it but I also want to hang with my husband atleast for another year to see mny youngest through high school.
This man's marriage isn't great, his wife is a not a real positive person. I have thought that from the first time I met her, so it isn't anything I have just decided.
Quite honestly I have thought of venturing on my own after all my kids have gone anyway, but in some ways this complicates matters and someways it makes it easier.
Any suggestions from anyone out there. We have not slept together due to the fact that where do you go? We are both new to this so called double life. How can we get together. His wife is going away for a couple of days- is going to his house a bad idea? Whew I just would never have thought this would happen to me, and I don't know who I can tell except sharing it here. Thanks in advance for any suggestions

I understand where you are coming from. I'm ending an 18 year marriage for many reasons, but lack of attention and affection rank right up there. And yes, having my OM certainly helped me make the break. It's a move I've contemplated the entire time, but more seriously in recent years. I wonder if I'd have had the strength if he weren't around. We, too, have worked together for almost 2-1/2 years, now. We've been involved for 9 months.
Until I got my own place at Thanksgiving, we used my van. Others here meet at a hotel (we're too broke and besides which, it leaves a paper trail). Still others do meet at one or the other's houses when the spouse is away. Personally, I think that's adding insult to injury should the affair ever be found out. In my circumstance, I felt that it was bad enough I was cheating on my husband, but to totally disrespect our marital bed like that was more than I wanted to do. But that was my decision and I'm not making any value statement about others here who do that. Everyone needs to decide what is right in their situation.
I will forever be grateful for this time with my SO. He's a wonderful man and my name says it all - Lucky Me for having him in my life. If it were to end tomorrow, I'll know that for at least one year in my life I went for something that meant a lot to me and I lived my life as fully as I know how. I will never, ever, ever regret a moment of it. I kinda regret that we didn't start it sooner, but I wasn't there yet in my marriage. In many ways, SO's and my relationship is more mature and deeper than anything I ever shared with H. In a lot of other ways, we've got more growing and learning about each other to do. I'm looking forward to a long future with him so we can do just that.
However, that said, let me caution you that an A is a damned difficult thing to carry on. It can be a rough life. It's not something I would have sought out for just any man; my guy is truly one in a million. It's hard not to read behind the lines. It's hard to not wish and want for what you flat out can't have. What if he doesn't leave his wife? Are you prepared to be second?? What happens if you've left your H, but he stays in his marriage? Are you content to let him have his cake and eat it too while you have just him, or will you see others, too? I'm thinking that however logical that seems, most guys probably would be jealous and it would have to affect your R. It's a hard life to live. If you're in it just for the sex, it's probably easier, but it sounds like you're emotionally attached to your OM, as I am mine, so that's what makes it so damn hard some days. I can't imagine that I would ever sign up for this again. I'm glad it's working out in my life, but in the future, I certainly would not seek it out.
Food for thought; hope I've helped. Welcome, again, to the board and keep reading!
Lucky
Thank you for your help and advice.. I feel like you really got what I was trying to say.
I hope to be able to turn to you again .
emrsg43
Going to each others house would be not good, especially mine. I still have kids here and my H never goes anywhere. For my NM money is not a problem, but he has said he doesn't want it to be just a couple of hours he'd prefer a whole weekend. See its not just about sex, we enjoy each others company and I love just sharing stories and talking politics, music and life with him.
I am planning on taking it slow, I have too...
Thanks again