Help me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2003
Help me!!
11
Thu, 08-21-2003 - 9:45pm
I am so glad I found this. I never thought there is anything like this on the net. I am new so I kinda don't know how this works, but I am glad that there is a forum like this. I need help. I am so confused. I am married for 17 years now and have kids. My H is my first everything, first BF etc etc. We got married when I was 21 and he was 24. When we were going steady he cheated a lot on me and it hurt me a lot. When we got married I really can't say if he still cheated on me but there was just that nagging feeling sometimes. Our marriage was ok, I guess but I felt some emotional things were lacking specially with the way he handled the kids, he wasn't a very affectionate Dad. He also played a lot of mind games on me as he is a very controlling person going as far as controlling my money.

Why I let him do it? I guess because its so much easier to just be this way. I just keep everything inside, suffer in silence. We pretty much don't do anything as a couple, he sleeps a lot and never wants to do anything new. He thinks vacations are a waste of money and besides when we do go on vacations he just sleeps and doesn't even want to check out the pool or anything like that.

And then I met someone on the net. First we were friends and it evolved into something more than friendship. I confided in him a lot of the things I go through with my H and he was always there with a kind word and a sympathetic ear. Then we both fell in love. It was kind of weird falling inlove with someone you haven't even met before, but there we were there was just a connection that we couldn't explain. It was a long time before we decided to meet in person, He wanted to meet before but I was hesitant thinking that what I was doing was wrong and thinking in my head that if its just on here then it can't be too bad but if we meet in person then that's different.

But the things with my H were getting so bad so I finally said yes we should meet. He is from Canada and so he drove 8 hours to see me and just to be with me for 3 hours. When we met for the first time it was as if we knew that this was meant to be. We were so inlove. So it became a full blown EMA after we met. He would drive down to see me once a month and we'd go away for a weekend and H didn't know. I was so happy. This is going to sound so cheesy but I knew what the OM and I had was so wrong but it felt so right.

Finally I couldn't stand it anymore, I felt that I couldn't bear to be with my H anymore so I left him and I told him about the OM. He went ballistic. He wouldn't let go and would not move on inspite of this. He was making it hard for me to make my relationship with OM work. He kept begging me to come back. Meantime OM proposed to me and we wanted to get married but my H was threatening me with a lot of things and using the kids against me. This was just too much for me to take. So after a year of this chaos, I decided to go back. It seemed so much easier to do so...


OM was so hurt. I still love him but my conscience is bothering me and I worry about my kids constantly. I jut had to go back and see if my H has changed and if it will still work again. I have been home for 3 months now and its so hard. I tried not to contact OM and I would try to ignore his calls but it was just too much for me to bear. OM is the love of my life. I think He loves me more in a minute than anyone could ever do in a lifetime. He was always there for me. I met his family and we were making plans for a life together. The time I had with him were the happiest in my life. He is an amazing person and was all too willing to give me and my kids security if H and I get divorced.

OM and I are now talking again!! We don't see each other coz he is 500 miles away but he calls me all the time and we chat and email each other he does want to come and see me but I am not ready to go throught all that over again I tell myself if we do see each othere in person its gonna be in the right circumstances. Things at home are the same, sometimes its worse as when we have fights H brings up my A and doesn't seem to understand the fact that he also is responsible for a lot of things that screwed up this marriage but then I was the one who had an afair so blame it on me... I don't know if I can hold on any longer. OM wants me to just get up and leave and be with him but I am confused....maybe I should give this marriage one last shot if only for the children's sakes. I love OM so much and we want to be together so badly but inside me I am also scared that things will not work out with OM and me. That maybe even if what I have with my H is bad that maybe eventually it is better? Does anyone else feel this confusion or is it just me? Help me? I want to be with OM and yet I can't seem to find the courage to leave again!!! I hope someone messages me back. I am going crazy, one minute I say I am leaving and the next I say I'm staying.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-22-2003
In reply to: saddy2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:20pm
Saddy -

Since you don't have your e-mail address available on ivillage...I can't reach you personally. I hope you check back to this post. It has been over a month - I've been wondering about you. Are you okay?

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month -

Please feel free to e-mail me - I'd love to know how you are doing.

Zzesty

zzesty2003@yahoo.com

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