Help Me !

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2013
Help Me !
6
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 2:48pm

I am so glad a site like this exist :) read all the EAS and MAS postings. Painful :(

So I am married for 3 years , my husband worships me and loves me. The sex part was never great and I keep getting desires but is left unfulfilled. We have also been ttc since one year but of no use. Further depression :(

I met this great guy 3 months back through online chatting. He was great to talk and I instantly fell for his charms. We have been talking everday till wee hours. He is very sexual person and matches my intensity when we talky about our fantasies.

He later told me he is married and has two kids. He says he is separated from his wife though (might not be true).

Things were going great and we have planned to meet next moth. But past few weeks he has started not giving me enough time and love. He says he is busy with work and that makes me confused. I miss him.

I love my husband but the lack of intimacy kills me. Though he says he is ready to try but I dont feel so much attractions towards him now. :( I know I am such a B****.

What should I do ? Should I still meet my AP and have the greatet sex of my life ? Can I get away with this without a scar ?

I am so confused and helpless !

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2002
In reply to: Sillygirlyy
Mon, 05-06-2013 - 1:27am

I think you already see the writing on the wall sweetie.  Your online partner loves the flirty stuff.  Feeds his ego and yours as well.  But when push comes to shove and its time to stop chatting and proceed with meeting up, he begins to pull away.  He is not the man for you.  And frankly, neither is your husband. 

A marriage should last many many good years, and already you are unhappy and turning to others for affection.  It may be a blessing that no baby was made.  There are good men out there who will treat you well and provide the intimacy that is a primary part of any good relationship.  Searching for men on the internet while hoping to conceive is a diasterous way to start a family.  Follow your heart and start over.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2004
In reply to: Sillygirlyy
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 2:13pm

When your H finds out will he still love and adore you? I suspect not and M will probably be over. Imagine the look on your H face when he confronts you. You need treatment for your depression. You need to talk with your H about what you perceive about your sexuall problems. Having an A will exagerate problems in your M and not do a thing to correct. In other words taker care of problems in your M first and if they are insurmountable then D. You will come out ahead in the long run. Respect and honesty is crucial in any M if it is to be sustained.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 11:31am

I think if you don't want to meet this guy then don't even try to be friends with him--you're not really friends anyway.  You don't even know him.  Plus he'll start talking about sex again and that will increase the likelihood that you want to meet him.  If you are really incompataible with your DH, then do it the right way and get a divorce and go find someone else that you are more compatible with--but otherwise, if you are putting your attention somewhere else, then your marriage is goig to suffer.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2013
In reply to: Sillygirlyy
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 9:38am

I am not sure why this was posted twice.

Thanks again hereagain. I told him yesterday that I just want to be friends and that we should not meet. I dont know how to stick to it though :(. Please help me how could I cope up with the feeling to not miss him....to not want him so much. I do love my husband and I dont want to cheat on him but I just too drawn o my AP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2013
In reply to: Sillygirlyy
Thu, 04-25-2013 - 9:28am

Thanks again hereagain. I told him yesterday that I just want to be friends and that we should not meet. I dont know how to stick to it though :(. Please help me how could I cope up with the feeling to not miss him....to not want him so much. I do love my husband and I dont want to cheat on him but I just too drawn o my AP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2012
In reply to: Sillygirlyy
Wed, 04-24-2013 - 4:28pm

Silly--I can say with 100% certainty that you will NOT come away unscarred.  I feel pretty hypocritical to give you this advice in the mess I've created,  but really think this through.  First of all he may NOT be separated and just telling you that, secondly you don't necessarily know if you will have the most awesome sex of your life, do you?  You don't even know if you have physical chemistry because everything to date has been an EA.   Fantasy can be a lot better than reality and I have the proof to back up that statement!  

If you love your H you don't want to do this!   You say how he feels about you, but other than he doesn't fulfill you, how do you feel about him?  I understand how important not being fulfilled is..but there are ways to get fulfillment other than just having sex, if you know what I mean?  

The fact that your AP is seems like he isn't giving you the time you need or want could show that he isn't into it as much as you are either...  maybe its just a way for him to get kicks by sexting or emailing/talking about sex with other women.  I honestly feel you would end up being let down in the end and then have to deal with the guilt of what you did to your H...basically for nothing.

Probably not what you wanted to hear, but that's just my opinion.   Good luck with whatever you decide!