Help me get thru this
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Help me get thru this
| Wed, 10-29-2003 - 7:40pm |
First, for those not familiar with my story, I will give you a brief scenerio...
I have been involved with my MM for 12 yrs. We also work together. We spend time together outside of work quite often every week and have a fantastic relationship (under the circumstances) and plan to be together when the kids are grown (about another 3-1/2 yrs of waiting to go).
Over the past week or two a number of things have happened at work, harrassment accusations by someone about someone plus it was found out 2 other people have been having an affair for 2 yrs so Human Resources Dept. is in overdrive. So, my MM said we have to cool it or if we are found out both of us would lose our jobs and that we need to be extremely careful and can only see each other maybe once a month, no calls, no emails, nothing! God, I know he is right but I am sooo depressed! He has been the major part of my life for so long, over a decade. Now I see him at work and can barely talk to him and I just feel the pain inside. Although, he says it's only temporary and that he loves me and hates this too, I still feel like I've lost an important part of my life. And I thought all I was going to have to deal with was all the hunting trips he takes this time of year and the wonderfully depressing holidays approaching!
Plus, to make matters worse, my H is at his worst right now...verbal abuse to know end every day to mention a small part of the hell.
I don't know how to get thru this. I feel I am about as down as a person can get right now.
I have been involved with my MM for 12 yrs. We also work together. We spend time together outside of work quite often every week and have a fantastic relationship (under the circumstances) and plan to be together when the kids are grown (about another 3-1/2 yrs of waiting to go).
Over the past week or two a number of things have happened at work, harrassment accusations by someone about someone plus it was found out 2 other people have been having an affair for 2 yrs so Human Resources Dept. is in overdrive. So, my MM said we have to cool it or if we are found out both of us would lose our jobs and that we need to be extremely careful and can only see each other maybe once a month, no calls, no emails, nothing! God, I know he is right but I am sooo depressed! He has been the major part of my life for so long, over a decade. Now I see him at work and can barely talk to him and I just feel the pain inside. Although, he says it's only temporary and that he loves me and hates this too, I still feel like I've lost an important part of my life. And I thought all I was going to have to deal with was all the hunting trips he takes this time of year and the wonderfully depressing holidays approaching!
Plus, to make matters worse, my H is at his worst right now...verbal abuse to know end every day to mention a small part of the hell.
I don't know how to get thru this. I feel I am about as down as a person can get right now.

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You are NOT as low as a person can get! I don't know, but am assuming you have a safe roof over your head, food to eat, your mental and physical health, people whom love you and people to love, and uh, a computer connected to the internet, lol. There are hundreds of thousands of people just here in the States who are not safe, do not have good health, have recently lost a loved one, etc. - and those people may be as low as a person can get.
I'm sorry you are missing MM and the communication. But, MM should not be a major part of your life - one needs to keep a balance of everything in their life to have a positive perspective. For example, if different aspects in your life (job, family, YOU!, MM, other responsibilities, etc.) were balls you juggle, you'd give each ball a toss in the air in turn to keep them balanced...and once you get the hang of it, you are juggling, balancing, automatically and the balls are taking care of their selves. So, find your new balance - add a ball if necessary (something for you - a new challange such as learning something new), and if you don't focus on any one ball but all of them as a whole, you'll gain a better perspective.
Trust MM and take him at his word - that it will be difficult for him, as well. Turn it into a positive - think of the anticipation until you are able to see each other, and how it could spice things up! Be thankful it was the other couple that was found out, instead of you!
You can't let H's verbal abuse get to you - they are only words. Rise above it, and don't allow it to affect you. I've BTDT, and considered myself very low at the time - but that is a part of it, stbxH was feeding off my low self-esteem while I allowed it to control my thoughts/emotions/actions. It's all a mind game - by allowing it, you are messing with your own head. When your H is being abusive, close your ears and mind to it, and think of something positive. Replace his bad seeds in your subconcious mind with your own positive good seeds, and watch a beautiful garden in your conscious mind (a beautiful mind, lol) develop and grow: you'll become conscious that it's what you think and know in your own mind that counts, not what H says or shouts.
Honestly, I can empathize with you - and I hope you take this little lecture as "tough love".
Go gurl!
Meow
Things are alittle better, we found somewhere to meet the other night to talk and he swears it won't be this bad for long.
I'll have to wait and see I guess...but I do miss him lots!
With all of the buzz around your office with the sexual harassment and affairs etc. people are going to be on high alert. The worse thing you and your MM can do is to change your normal routine. If you typically have alot of interaction throughout the day the best thing you can do is to maintain your normal routine. If you cease your normal interaction people will notice IMMEDIATELY.
If you are ever asked if you are involved with someone or suspicions arise the worse thing you can do is to change your amount contact or interaction with that person because it looks terribly suspicious!
cl-liberalgirl
callmeliberal@hotmail.com
sassy
Wishing.
Take care,
your cyber pal
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