Help me make sense of this........

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Help me make sense of this........
4
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 8:26am

Hello everyone, hope we are all still sane(ish). i just need some help to make sense of something as sometimes i feel wrong and sometimes I just feel he s conflicted and says things to make me feel bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 9:45am

It sounds like he resents you for being his "weakness".


What do you want?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2009
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 11:34am

Hi sara, sounds to me like this guy is a cake-eater and totally conflicted with that, proceed with caution. He doesn't have any respect for you sweetie, if he did he would be much more considerate of your feelings.

I don't think you would ever manage to get this man out of his M and into a RL relationship with you - I think he would end up turning on you and blaming you for breaking up his M. Now, unless all you want is FWB and you're willing to put up with his abusive, conflicted behavior for the sex etc. then go ahead. But if you think he will leave his W for you think again, it won't happen in this case.

hugs,

trixie

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass, it is about learning to
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 5:40pm

Hi Gettingthere,

I am going to echo trixie and tell you that it sounds like this guy is a conflicted cake-eater. I don't really know your situation, but I think that you need to ask yourself if this relationship is making you unhappy more of the time it is making you happy.

I do think that this friendship is not JUST a friendship. Friends don't cuddle whilst on business travel. I also think that this man is telling you in no uncertain terms that he never intends on changing his marital situation. So, if you are going to stay in the relationship and by definition deal with HIS issues then you need to do it with your eyes wide open.

It is also possible that his pushing at you coincides with heat he is getting from his W. You said yourself that she has wanted you out of his life for quite a while. So maybe he pushes because he is being pushed. Just a thought.

The most important person in this scenaio is you. You are the only one who is going to look out for yourself. Remember to do that.

~Shadowz
~Shadowz
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Mon, 04-06-2009 - 7:04pm

thank you all for your replies! my post wasn't very clear and apologies for that, otherwise i would have explained better. we have known each other for 4 years now had an A for 3. we parted in april or stopped the physical stuff in preparation for this wedding of his in August just gone. he is very particular about being unfaithful in M only. cant be sure, but i dont think she is the reson for the faithfulness he just believes heavily in the vows. i would love to believe he was a cake eater but as we havent had s*x in a year i dont know. the thing is i feel like when I mention what we do to him he gets like that. i personally just like to be straight and honest with what is happening between us and i believe its an EA now! he refuses to believe that, we are just "friends" doing what we do? yeah right. he hates it being said to him. maybe its my fault if i mention it he clams up if i dont i cant get whatever i want from.


he says he's trying to do the right thing, i dont want to judge their relationship but as she has wanted me gone and he refuses to do something about it even though it clearly upsets her, not a good sign to me! any how i am under the impression that i am his weakness and spelling it out to him probably doesnt feel good when you are trying to do the right thing. his responses to me in these heated