Help me - NC Killing Me

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Help me - NC Killing Me
7
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 6:17pm

Hi there,


I am so upset, and I don't know where else to turn.

~vanillabeanie
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 7:05pm

Hi vanilla,


I know you feel crazy right now. If he has actually left her and is in therapy and has a child and is trying to get divorced, i think he probably just needs

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 7:07pm

Hi, Vanillabeanie


The only reason I can see that he do not want no contact with you

“"Truer words were never spoken -" Ah, but true words leave hearts broken! Truth is only for the wise - Lovers ought to stick to lies”

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 7:38pm

Hi Caribu,


You are so sweet and insightful.

~vanillabeanie
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 3:38pm
I know what you mean about the pain, but I'm on the other side, I'm mw, he's sm. We went nc, we've tried it a number of times, and it always works out that neither of us can stand it. I have tons of his voicemails saved, so if I ever need to hear his voice, it's there for me any time, any day. The most we've ever made it was 5 days. I really, really wanted to stay nc until I could honestly return to him and tell him my D is final. It's filed and I will be drawing up the final papers in the next week or so (we aren't using attorneys). I'm actually hoping things are final in the next month, but who knows for sure. For your ap (based on my personal experience) this nc is killing him, he needs you as much as you need him. He's thinking about you every day, things he does he knows you'd love or hate. But it's a lot easier on him to work through his d without the hidden relationship pulling him in another direction. And he needs to be sure he wants out of his marriage without you. He knows you are waiting, that eases his pain. Please know, he's doing everything he can to expedite things, but divorce is messy and ugly, and there is a child involved. You will need to be either very patient, and know he's doing what he can, or move on completely and forget about him. We both know forgetting him isn't an option, so give him some time and the space he needs so he can love you fully.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 4:53pm

Hi momtb4,


Just curious. How do you get a D without an attorney? I wanted to know for future references. Are you and AP going to be togehter once your D is final?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2006
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 9:34pm
Thanks so much for your response momtb4. It is amazing to read a MW's perspective on this. I guess in these situations all of my worst fears come out. I am trying to have faith that he is just separating me from the whole mess in his life so that he can get through this. I loved hearing him say that if we have any chance of being together in the future, this is something that has to happen. I am trying to have faith. I know he doesn't love his W. It's his son he is having trouble being away from, but I know he is trying. Thanks again for your support, it has helped me greatly. I hope you have a great evening.
~vanillabeanie
~vanillabeanie
Avatar for momtb4
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 11:52pm
stbx filled out and filed petition for dissolution and got us on the calander to meet with a judge. I had to respond and I included a petition for temporary orders and got us on an earlier calender. We met with a commissoner in court and got the temp orders. We later met with the judge and got set on the calender for a final hearing in December. All the blanks are available online for free, or they can be purchased