Help Me Please

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2007
Help Me Please
4
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 4:52am

First of all I wanted to post this in E A S but for some reason I can't. I am old enough to be the mother of a lot of your posters so I should know better. I have been married for 17 years to a wonderful man but got involved with a former neighbor 6 years ago and I have been leading a double life. I only see him about once or twice a month and have very limited communication. No text or emails and calls only during a 5 minute time frame in the morning before he goes to work or 15 minutes after his work. If he doesn't  call me or his phone is turned off or rings and he doesn't answer that can ruin my day. I cry like a teenager, am bitchy and moody, don't eat( I only weigh 100lbs) and can't concentrate. When I know I will see him I get "high" am in a good mood, I eat, and am nicer to my husband. The anticipation is much better than the encounter. We see each other for less than an hour in a place so horrible that only gay men or hookers go there. We have never shared a meal or done anything that didn't involve taking our clothing off.

I am tired of suffering but I don't know how to end this.  I don't sleep that is why I am writing this at 4:00 am I have tried counseling, God, and drugs. I am running out of options other than death!

hELP ME SOMEONE!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 9:04am

Hi Willow!

Honestly, I don't know how to help or what to say exactly, except that I am so sorry.  A double life is difficult, and it wears on you.  I know, because I think that all the time.

Death is not an option, in my opinion and I am sorry you feel that way.  Unfortunately, life has to go on with or without him.  You said you have tried everything.  I would try counseling again.  Maybe the counselor you had wasn't for you and there is another out there.  Like I said, I don't know how to help exactly, but I am here and so are the others for support.  Feel free to pm me anytime.

I hope things get better for you soon.

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 9:52am

We've all been through one or another form of what you are going through. There is only so much anyone here can do within the confines of the board, but feel free to PM me or anyone else in the forum. As another poster said, EAS is always a good resource.

If you are truly thinking about ending your life, your first move should be to contact a crisis center.

You may also seek psychological help, not just counseling, because you may need medication to help balance the chemical structure in your system.

It may very well be that you are one doctor's visit away from starting to feel like your normal self again. I would definitely seek help, but seek the right kind of help.

We are always here to listen and help you vent.

Regardless of you age, it is never the time to give up. And what you are going through right now, believe me, many before you have, and have survived, with help and strength. You are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2013
Thu, 03-07-2013 - 11:06am

I agree with the previous posters that you need to seek help, and I would also welcome pm's. Please dont feel like you are alone, you are not!

Community Leader
Registered: 09-21-2007
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 12:03pm

How are you doing Willow? 

 

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