HELP! Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
HELP! Not sure what to do
18
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:10am
OK...today is the last day I see MM before the long holiday season begins. I bought him a Christmas gift and I've been putting off giving it to him -- was going to do it today. But I found out last night his daughter is probably coming to work with him. I know I can't hand it to him with her there. (Can you imagine later, in front of her mom -- "Daddy, why did that pretty lady you work with give you a present?") But something else also came up. We were talking about a woman he doesn't like who gave him a gift last year. We asked if she gave him one this year and he said, "No, but I had a gift for her ready just in case." I don't want a gift he bought for me "just in case." I'd rather him not give me anything at all than do that. (Or, even worse, give me the gift he bought for freaky-woman!) So, here's the question. I could easily call him up later this morning and say, "I have a gift for you and want to give it to you. Could you come by my office or let me know of a time when you'll be alone so I can bring it to you?" But I don't want to put him on the spot or make him avoid me all day if he didn't buy me something. It is, after all, the last day I'll be able to see him. What should I do? I have no idea... They don't exactly include this stuff in the etiquette manuals! Should I just hold onto the gift and give it to him for his birthday or something??? That's six months away...an awfully long time to hide it in my desk! I'm thinking I'll call him around our usual time and ask if he's alone (and if he thinks he'll be for a few minutes). Then I'll take it up to him and tell him to hide it and open it later. We also have to worry about all his co-workers seeing the gift and wondering why I'm giving it to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:50am
Do like I do - give the present and then worry about the consequences later. hee hee. Yeah, not a very sane idea, but considering who it is from, you know better. LOL . Give to him when the daugther is not around and let him worry about hiding it. *grin*
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:58am
good morning lilah. i would do exactly as you said, call him, ask him when he has a free minute to come by your office (or for you go to his, if you are at a desk in a common area), that it's important and will only take a few minutes. if his daughter is with him, you can distract her with an activity for a few minutes and stand with MM with his daughter behind you, and hand him the gift, and say "Merry Christmas". if his daughter does not come to the office with MM, then you are free to do the same scenario and you can give MM a hug in addition to the "Merry Christmas".

just keep it casual and light, nothing dramatic and if MM says he didn't get anything for you or he has something for you, just say "i really don't expect a gift from you. just wanted you to have this gift." and then take the situation back to business.

don't get upset if MM comes back to you with a gift (that would be suspiciously like the ready gift MM had for psycho-woman), but just take it and thank MM nicely. you should never look a gift horse in the mouth, so be nice and accept the gift. no arguments or hurt feelings at christmastime!!

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:22am
Daughter is with him today...just saw her. He didn't really acknowledge me and he hasn't called. Not unusual, considering she's with him. I'm curious if he's planning to see me at all today. Understandably, daughter has to come first; it just sucks that it has to be today, the last day we're going to see each other. Part of the problem is just walking to his office with the gift in hand. It's not really a small gift. Not a huge one either, but it couldn't be easily concealed and his daughter is old enough to ask questions. I don't know...I'm just not feeling right about this. Part of me thinks I should just hold it and see if he says anything about a gift for me. Do you think it's inappropriate for me to ask to stop by and chat with him with his daughter there? Not having kids myself, I just don't know how he'd feel about that. Has anyone else been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Normally we'd get together around 11:00 and chat for a little while. I want to at least talk to him before going away for the holidays, but part of me feels like he knows my number if he wants to see me. I think part of my problem is that I put such high expectations on this "LAST DAY" thing. I feel like I have to maximize the last couple of opportunities I'll get to see him before not seeing him for a while. Maybe I should just let it go. Just start my holiday now...
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:40am
Can you "grab" him on his way to the men's room or something? LOL. That way you don't have to deal with the daugther?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:40am
lilah, does MM usually bring his daughter into work? somehow, i just feel like he didn't need to bring her with him today and did so as sort of a shield. MM obviously knows today is the last day you two will see each other for a long period, but he brings her to his office so you cannot possibly spend any time together. just doesn't add up.

i would hold onto the gift until he returns, unless he makes an effort to see you and actually has a gift for you. but i would stop by his office and wish him a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. you can do that in front of his daughter, just as a courtesy since MM is not going to be around for the rest of the holiday.

don't put yourself "out there" -- by that i mean, don't put yourself in a position to be hurt or disrespected by MM.

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 10:51am
Yeah, Gurl is right. Don't give it to im unless he has something for YOU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:23am
The plot thickens... I just stepped away from my desk and when I came back there was a post-it stuck to my monitor that read: "I came by to see you, but you were gone." I tried to call him but he's not at his desk. If I can get him, I want to tell him to come back by. Yeah, he brings his daughter to work on days like this a lot. Really, she does come first in his life as it should be. The fact that he slipped away for a couple of minutes to see me means a lot to me. Of course, it really annoys me that I just happened not to be here when he did come by! Isn't that the way it always works?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 11:25am
That's Murphy' Law for you, lilah! :-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 1:03pm
I just spent a while with him and his daughter. He said he was going to come see me this afternoon and I mentioned I had something for him and he said if he came to see me, his daughter would be with him. I said if he brings her, I just won't give him what I got and that I don't HAVE to give it to him. He said I was silly for getting him something and I said, "Well, you're my friend. The closest friend I have here at work." So we'll see if I get to give it to him or not. If not, I'll just save it for his b-day.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 1:17pm
I have a feeling he is going to come and get it.....

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