HELP! Not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
HELP! Not sure what to do
18
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:10am
OK...today is the last day I see MM before the long holiday season begins. I bought him a Christmas gift and I've been putting off giving it to him -- was going to do it today. But I found out last night his daughter is probably coming to work with him. I know I can't hand it to him with her there. (Can you imagine later, in front of her mom -- "Daddy, why did that pretty lady you work with give you a present?") But something else also came up. We were talking about a woman he doesn't like who gave him a gift last year. We asked if she gave him one this year and he said, "No, but I had a gift for her ready just in case." I don't want a gift he bought for me "just in case." I'd rather him not give me anything at all than do that. (Or, even worse, give me the gift he bought for freaky-woman!) So, here's the question. I could easily call him up later this morning and say, "I have a gift for you and want to give it to you. Could you come by my office or let me know of a time when you'll be alone so I can bring it to you?" But I don't want to put him on the spot or make him avoid me all day if he didn't buy me something. It is, after all, the last day I'll be able to see him. What should I do? I have no idea... They don't exactly include this stuff in the etiquette manuals! Should I just hold onto the gift and give it to him for his birthday or something??? That's six months away...an awfully long time to hide it in my desk! I'm thinking I'll call him around our usual time and ask if he's alone (and if he thinks he'll be for a few minutes). Then I'll take it up to him and tell him to hide it and open it later. We also have to worry about all his co-workers seeing the gift and wondering why I'm giving it to him.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 2:27pm
yeah for you lilah -- MM's making the effort! i like that! too bad he came by the first time when you were away from your desk, but you have spent time with him before the end of the day and that's good for both of you!

give him the gift when he returns from the holidays. it is a holiday gift after all. i'm sure when he returns from vacation, you'll be able to spend a bit more alone time with him and you can "give" it to him properly!

good luck,

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 4:08pm
I wondered the same thing myself. I wondered if the curiosity wouldn't bring him down here alone to see what I got him. But only 1/2 hour left and still no MM. :-( It's not looking too good. But then, he always used to visit me late in the day, so it could be as late as the last 15 minutes. I'll post an update around 5 minutes until time to leave to let you know the verdict. I was thinking I'd give it to him for his birthday in six months, but whoever suggested I give it to him after the holidays had the right idea. It'll be easier to sneak up to him. Maybe I could even wrap it in something...creative. How could I disguise it as a work-related item...? Hmm.. I'm going to have to think on that one, and I'll have plenty of time! You know, honestly, I keep saying I won't see him for 12 days but it's possible on either of the Saturday mornings I'll be able to see him at the gym. Who knows? And 12 days really isn't all that long. We'll all make it through. I'm almost looking forward to starting those 12 days because I've been dreading them so long, at least once they've started I'll be well on the way to them being over. And MM made SUCH an effort today. He came to see me and said before that he'd tried to call twice. Then he invited me up way before my normal time to visit and didn't say a word when I stuck around FOREVER. (I was hanging out with his daughter; we seemed to be really hitting it off!) Here's the thing that kind of spooked me. His daughter and another girl were over in another cubicle, having a good time, and MM and I were chitchatting. He got up to go over to tell them to keep it down and it felt...weird. I could completely glimpse what it would be like to be a stepmother for that brief moment. I had a flash of me and MM together someday down the road and it seemed so natural. The more time goes on, the more it seems to feel natural that we'll be together someday. Maybe I'm just dreaming, but I can't help but wonder if he didn't think the same thing, especially when me and his daughter were playing together. (At one point she asked if they could adopt me and I could be her big sis...) I don't know...sometimes it seems like it'll never happen but sometimes I can see clearly that we're going to eventually be a couple...maybe sooner than later...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Tue, 12-23-2003 - 8:07pm
So, lilah what happened? Did you manage to give the gift to the MM?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:38am
We dont buy gift to one another although we'd like to - we have wanted to do things a couple of times for each other but we always thoroughly discuss it and usually we alway decide it's best not to but that it's the thought that counts...better to be safe than sorry...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:42am
Nope, but I did take matters into my own hands. It got to be time to go home and no sign of him, so I went to where he works under the guise of telling everyone goodbye for the holiday. He was playing with his daughter and another woman's daughter, out in the middle of the floor, and a woman who works near him said they'd been playing like that for 30 minutes. So he couldn't come see me. (He's very single-minded anyway; once he gets caught up in something, that's it!) He wasn't really paying attention to me, but he appeared to be showing off for me -- so I started to leave with just waving goodbye distractedly and he came after me, pretended to throw something at me, and said to have a good Christmas and he'd see me at the gym. I got to spend much more time with him yesterday than I normally did, and he was really sweet, so at least I'm left with positive thoughts for the holidays. If he'd been a rat throughout the last week or two it would have been tough. I feel a deep friendship developing between us and I think next year it's only going to get deeper. The sweet feelings I have for him now are only going to intensify and it's going to get harder and harder to stay in my M, even with my H being as sweet as he is...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 8:51am
Well, I have an ulterior motive in giving it to him. It replaces something he uses a lot and every time he uses it, he'll think of me...whether he wants to or not! Previously I gave him something that sits on his desk, but this is something he'll carry around with him at work. We always confine it to work-related things... He didn't buy his wife anything for X-mas this year per HER request (they had a lot of big purchases this year), so it really would have been wrong for him to buy me something. It would have made me feel cheap somehow... I can't explain why, not really sure myself! But I wanted to do this for him. I told him this and I mean it: he's the closest friend I have at work and he's been really kind to me, not just this year but every year I've known him. I wanted to do this for him, with nothing expected in return... Now I just have to figure out a way to get it to him without making a scene. Should be easier after the holidays. I may just stick it in a little shopping bag and walk up there and hand it to him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 9:38am
lilah, i suggested you just wait until after the holidays when MM returns to the workplace and give him the gift then, and i think you should still stick to that idea! just because MM and his W didn't get each other gifts is no reason why you shouldn't give him yours. gosh, at the rate i'm going, i'll be exchanging gifts with friends until valentine's day!

enjoy the Christmas season and i hope you see MM at the gym!

gurl

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 9:45am

I hope you catch him at the gym. Its better that way. You won't have to hide it from the people at the office and/or his daugther. Good luck!

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