Help! Serious problem!
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Help! Serious problem!
| Sat, 10-18-2003 - 2:36pm |
I have been having an affair with a co-worker for a few months now. A couple of months ago we both got promotions. We have tried to be very carefule about our meetings but do go to lunch and people know we're friends. We are getting ready to go on a business trip with one of his staff. Our work ends Thursday but we're plannign to stay the weekend. we both have family there and our excuse was that we are going to visit our respective families. I just found out yesterday that the rumor is now going around that we are having an affair and are using the trip to be together. This is, of course, true but I am horified that this is now going around. I confronted my boss about the rumor being spread by her AA and she told me she heard it months ago. I don't know what to do . I have traced some of it back to his staff member hwo is going with us. He got the promotion over her. I know nobody has any proof or knows for sure but I am so upset. He is going to freak when he hears. Should I tell him before our trip which is Tuesday? I know this staff member is now going to be watching s like a hawk. She leaves Thursday and we were going to stay. I don't know what to do now!!! Help!!
TA

1) your boss, whom you've already discussed this with, has concerns and wants you to do something about it... does she? Is she concerned about the rumors? Does she suggest you *not* stay the weekend or any other course of action? She would be my main concern. And if she is brushing off the rumors (and if she heard it months ago and never said anything, then it sounds like she's not giving them much merit) then I would continue to be careful at work, but not overly concerned
2) you make it an issue. The more people you talk to or "confront" about this, the more attention you give the rumor and therefore the more weight you give it. So drop it. Let them talk. Without proof, it goes no where and can always be passed off as wagging tongues and sour grapes. And if your job is not in jeopardy over it (going back to point 1) then I would ignore it.
Enjoy your trip and your time together. Be good and give the assistant a merry farewell on Thursday, then CUT LOOSE and HAVE FUN!! If you're hearing the rumors, you can bet MM is too. I wouldn't mention it to him, because again, that gives merit to it. Unless your work is at risk, or his, leave it be.
Hope you have a blast...
lily
Can't add anything to that... lily said it perfectly... and I totally agree....
keep us up to date... and let us know how things go.
luv and hugs
Community Leader My Affair Support
email me at sweetc_@hotmail.com
"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My
If your boss heard it months ago but hasn't taken action on it, chances are it is only a rumor to her. And if your boss heard the rumor, chances are your MM did as well and has decided not to take any action.
Which scenerio do you like better?...A) You discuss the rumor with MM and decide to cool it for a while B) You discuss the rumor with MM and decide to end it C) You discuss the rumor with MM and decide to intercept the rumor and deny deny (adding fuel to the fire) D) You discuss the rumor with MM and take no action (back to square one) E) You don't discuss the rumor with MM, decide to let it go, and enjoy your own private life as how you want.
Personally, I would choose "E" - because it *is* private, no one has proof, and no one can read minds!
Enjoy your weekend - and do share when you are on cloud 9!
Meow
I will take your advice and try to ignore it. I guess what really made the me the most nervous is that this AA, who is technically my bosses AA, but interacts with the whole dept., has it out for me. I am in a much higher position than her and she hates that. Now that I know she's heard the rumor she'll be watching and listening for any proof. Also, his staff member that is going on this trip will be watching. This is going to be really fun, having to try to deal with her and act like I don't know what she's doing. Oh well, thanks so much for the advice and listening! I'll keep you posted how it all turns out.
TA