Help!Lying to 2 men

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Help!Lying to 2 men
9
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 8:14am
Ok, so here's the deal.I have been with my bf for almost 5 years now.Things have been pretty bad for almost 2 years now, but because I don't like conflict or change, I have adapted to it although it's been hard.Anyway, about 2 months ago, I ran into an old high school friend whom I hadn't seen in over 10 yrs.Actually, he found me through Facebook.Anyway, we decided to get together for coffee.Well, there was chemistry instantly.I knew that he had broke up with his ex and moved back home about a yr prior(one of our mutual friends had told me).Anyway, he made the comment "so i see your engaged".Well, i told him that it was complicated but no I wasn't.Anyway, i felt weird talking about it so I changed topics.Well, he invited me to hang out with him that weekend at a friends BBQ, and I did.Well, by the end of the night, I was definetly getting the"more than friends"vibe, and before I left, he kissed me.Well, it felt great:)We started texting each other regularly, and met up every few days.It felt so good being with him, he's funny,caring,and not to mention HOT!lolAnyway, i really didn't know where things were going but I was enjoying the time we had together.The topic of my"relationship"never came up, and I was greatful but then I started to wonder if he realized i was still with my bf.The reason i qustioned this is because he would make comments like"maybe i'll come up to your place".Well, as soon as I suspected this, I really should have asked him if he knew that i was not technically"available", but i didn't dare.I was afraid that he would end things, and
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Thu, 10-08-2009 - 11:11pm

Hi chicka,


Sorry about your dilemna.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Sun, 10-11-2009 - 8:28am
Thanks for responding:)I gave in the other day and sent a message to AP on Fbook.Nothing big, just asking him to give me a shout when he had a chance.Well, I probably should have just texted his phone, since I knew he rarely checks his Fbook, but I wasn't quite ready to talk yet .So,2 days later(friday night)he sent me a message asking how I was and said he was leaving for a business trip that night, that he would give me a shout when he got home Sun(tonight).I know that if I keep distancing myself from him, that he will move on.When i think about it, my heart aches.Meanwhile nothing has changed at home, I'm really having a hard time getting up the nerve to end things with bf.I have a 9 yr old daughter who has become quite attached to him(her real father isn't around) and I worry about how she will take it.There are times when I think its just easier to stay with him, I mean things are comfortable,but the love seems to be gone(at least on my part)Then there are times when I think about how great it would be to be on my own, the freedom to do my own thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Sun, 10-11-2009 - 6:14pm

Yes, I went through that phase when I said it would be easier and comfortable to stay with H. It may be easy but ease and comfort dont equal happiness. I know it's hard because you see him everyday and think of how hurt he would be. Once you are actually away it gets easier. Yes, I do have a sense of freedom being seperated and doing my own thing.


Just keep working towards you and your daughter's happiness. I dont have kids but I hear that they bounce back easily. My mother

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:27am

hey there:)Well, I checked my FBook this morning and there was a message from AP.He said that he had got home last night.He said that he had "alot of fun"during his trip away, and for me to give him a shout when i was free.So now I stuck wondering how much or what kind of"fun"he had.I know that sounds really paranoid, but he has mentioned(in the past)how sometimes he wishes he hadn't moved back home, that he really loves the city.And that's where he went this weekend.He has also told me about the wild parties his friend(the one he stayed with) has, so I guess I'm just thinking worse case scenario, that he went up there and got buzzed up and met someone.I know, crazy thinking , right?Anyway, I guess I really don't have the right to be jealous considering im still somewhat involved, but the thought of losing AP is driving me nuts.So now, I'm dreading the phone call to AP, hoping I won't blurt anything out.Do you think I should ask him about the weekend?I'm almost scared too, but I want to.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Tue, 10-13-2009 - 9:05pm

Hey,


No, your thinking isnt crazy at all. I'm a jealous person. Who says we dont have a right to be jealous. It's a normal human emotion. When we love or care or even just like somebody in that way, we are going to have these feelings at some point in time.


Why not ask him. You can just casually say. "I'm glad you had fun, tell me about it." (Wow, that sounded kinda corny, maybe say it a little differently) There are times that I dont want to know exactly what AP has done when he goes out but I ask anyway because sometimes I would rather know than not know at all.


Before you call him, just breathe and try to stay calm. I dont think you'll blurt out anything. You'll be fine.


Keep me updated :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 8:12am
Hey:)Well, I didn't call him but I sent him a message on FBook saying I was glad he had fun and that he deserved a weekend away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 10:00am
Ok, so i got a text from him this morning saying he just checked his phone, that he had forgot it in his truck.So i texted him back,asking him if he was working tonight.He said no, that he was laid off from his night job(security)for a few weeks.So, i asked him if I could come by tonight and he said"sure".So now I'm super anxious.I want to tell him that I'm sorry I've been kinda distant lately, that I just have alot on my plate right now,but that I definetly still want to persue this relationship..I kind of wanted to text him this, but I think it's a discussion we should have face to face, although I'm scared that he will tell me that he thinks we're better off just ending things.And although i would rather he be honest with me, I 'm not sure how well I will take it.So I'm thinking of sending him a message today,telling him how i feel.In this case, I'd rather have a"I want to end thiings"message than to have it said in a face to face situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
Wed, 10-14-2009 - 6:26pm
Whatever way makes you the most comfortable. If you would rather text it then go ahead. He may
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2009
Mon, 10-26-2009 - 8:39am
Sorry it took so long to get back:)Well, I went to see him that night and but once again i wasn't able to spend much time with him because I had to get back home.I told him that I was sorry I've been distant lately but that I've had a lot on my plate lately, with work and home life.He said he understood, that we both have our own lives to deal with.I told him that I was going away for the wwkend for work training and and I asked if he wanted to get together on tues when I got back. He said sure, fr me to give him a shout.Well, the weekeend was hell.I just kept wondering if I was doing the right thing, wether I should finally break things off with my Bfriend.Anyway, when I got back tuesday, I had to make an emergency trip to city to bring my sister to the hospital.I emailed him and told him what was up, and that I'd be stuck in the city for a couple of days.Well, I got a message from him Fri(he had sent it thurs night)saying that he had just got my message and for me to give him a shout when i could.He said that maybe he could make the trip down to see me this time.Well, I didn't message him back that day,and that night I was determined to break things off with Bfriend.I made the mistake of having a few drinks and I finally thought i had gotten up the nerve to do it, i chickened out. I did tell him that I thought we may have drifted into more of a "friend" stage, and he answered by saying that he was happy with that, that 's how it should be when two people are together. I decided that I wouldn't push it, because I had a few drinks on board that I didn't want to end things and then have him say it was only because I was drinking.Anyway, I wrote AP saturday and told him that I was free sunday night if he wanted to get together.He wrote me back saying sure, that he had to work till5 but that he was free after that. He told me just to give him a shout.So yesterday afternoon, I texted him , asking what he was up to. He said that he was chatting with company that were down from the city.I tried to text him back, but my stupid phone started acting up so I called him. He said that a couple of his friends had unexpectedly stopped by. So I said not to worry about tonight, that we could get together some other night.He said he didn't think they were staying too late that he would give me a shout when they left.So, I made an excuse to bfriend that I was helping my sister with something and I went to her house and waited for AP to call. He called