Help...please read and respond honestly

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Help...please read and respond honestly
12
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 4:31pm
deleted...just can't walk away from this computer and leave snipets of my personal emails up here for the world to read!


Edited 5/11/2004 7:04 pm ET ET by cmp72004

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 4:49pm
Without knowing him and his usual responses to your deep questions, I would say he sounds sincere. Obviously, most As start with some sort of physical connection - and usually that becomes a major part of them. Sure there are some that are on a mental and spiritual level only, but usually As start because one person is looking for more and looking to fulfill themselves 100% because they aren't getting that 100% at home. And, sex is part of that 100%. If he cares for you genuinely (as he sounds), then of course he would be attracted to you and the thought of sex would excite him. I'd take it as a compliment. Now, if he ignores talks about your future together and only focuses on the physical 'right now' relationship, then I might worry. But it doesn't sound like that is driving him. It sounds like he is into you as a person, and the physical attraction is just icing on the cake.

FMH6

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:01pm
Thanks for responding so quickly. I've been lurking for a while and I know it sometimes takes a while to get responses...so your response is very much appreciated.

I'm glad he sounds sincere to you; I hope he is ... he's been a good friend, and he has always been a supportive and reliable friend. I suppose I have grown to care about him more than I am willing to admit to myself (or him), which is where I am now getting myself into trouble. That wasn't supposed to happen, and I don't like it. This can never go anywhere...I guess he is mindful of that more than I am. I'm rambling. Oh well, if I continue questioning everything this way I guess that's another reason to consider ending it. Thank you again!

Edited 5/11/2004 5:13 pm ET ET by cmp72004


Edited 5/11/2004 5:17 pm ET ET by cmp72004

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2003
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:17pm
Based on what I have read and not knowing either one of you...I think he definitely sounds sincere. I don't know if it is the weather/change in season but I have noticed a lot of us here including myself have been feeling very insecure lately...we just have to realize that these are A's and although we might want more...they can only give so much...but that doesn't mean that they don't care.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:24pm
Thanks...Yeah, unfortunately, affairs are breeding grounds for insecurity, ironic, huh?...given that many of us are in them to fulfill some unmet need!

Hope you (and others) feel better soon as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:36pm
<<>>>>

OMG. Do we have the same MM? :) Or are they all made from the same mold? Close to everything he wrote, I have heard the same thing, only my MM would say it to my face. He is email shy unless it's a dirty joke or cartoon he is sending. What state do you live in? Tee - hee. Mine is smart enought to pull off a scam like this; now who sounds insecure?

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:39pm
Yeap, it's got to be the pollen in the air or something, a lot of us seem to be wigging out the last few days.

I agree with the others, without knowing each of you it's difficult to tell. But to me, he sounds sincere; trying to support you in whatever you decide to do. Maybe pull back a bit and just meet for lunch or coffee - it's going to be tough no doubt after great sex. While my A has not been sexual yet, I also fear once we have sex, it will only be about sex, and I will miss our wonderful lunches and long talks.

Hang in there "This too shall pass." At least that's what I'm telling myself! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:43pm
A scam...tell me more! Tell me what you think when your MM says these things to you...if you don't mind. Let that insecurity out! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:56pm
CMP,

I think it's hard to say for sure without knowing more. He doesn't sound too much like sex is *all* he's interested in, it just might be that he's very attracted to you (which does sound like is the case.) I'm sure there are times my OW has felt a little like this because the truth is that I'm unbelievably smitten with her and can't seem to stop touching her. But if she said no more sexual contact I'd live with it because I also really like her as a person.

I can see where the end might sound a little odd, but maybe he really cares about you and wants you to be happy. If he's giving you the freedom to say you're through, maybe he just wants to be honest (which he seems to be doing) without pressuring you one way or the other. If you both know it doesn't have any real future, maybe he just wants to be sure you feel like you can stay or leave on your own terms and he will accept it because he cares about you as a person.

rain

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 5:59pm
Hah! I'll tell all after U give me some clue that this isn't the same man :) I live in Michigan, U? Oh yeah, it's always been about sex to him, even though he has sworn up one side of the bed and down the other, that it has always been more. We are going on 5 years now, so obvioulsy I got past it. Now I am the one who views it only as SEX and it's starting to bother him. GO Figure!! The truth be known, I never expected anything else out of this A anyway. We were very attracted to one another, and after all these years, there is still no denying that sex is the glue that binds us. The only times the R was strained was when one of us had a cold, or family matters that separated us for a few weeks at a time, but other than that, just today he was running his hands all over me. I DID have self esteem issues, not liking myself days, and wondering why I put up with so much of the bull that comes in this kind of R, but I would ALWAYS let him make the next move after one of my emotional vacations. That was the only way I could determine the significance of what I was to him. After 4 1/2 years, the man can still talk the talk :)

**Terri**

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Tue, 05-11-2004 - 6:11pm
Just a quick note to add to this thread...

I've been guilty with my OW of sometimes mistaking my read on her. If we were a week or two without any real time together other than "hi/bye" there were times when her warm greeting made me think sexy thoughts. When I followed through, something didn't sit quite right between us afterwards.

After a couple of those "not quite right" episodes, I just asked her what was going on; we have always had such an intense sensual connection, to not have it in tune was a little strange. She just told me that we were short on time and jumped a little quick to bed once in a while when we hadn't really seen each other.

Since then I've learned to read her moods much better, and when things have been stressful and we've had some distance, I find that instead of moving to catch up on our sex it's really, really nice to just lay with her and touch, hold, kiss, talk... just be intimate. Then she knows I just want to be with her and close to her. And to be honest, usually when I read that situation right she ends up feeling very good, very secure, and is really happy with me. And then I usually get mauled. LOL.

If he doesn't ask where you're at, try telling him outright. If I've said it once here, I've said it a hundred times: men are dense. Simple and direct, even if it scares us sometimes, is the right way to deal with us. Anything else confuses us, even if we ourselves are devious to the extreme.

rain

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