he's coming home tomorrow....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
he's coming home tomorrow....
11
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 11:26am

Well ladies, I have toughed it out. He has been gone most of the summer so far and tomorrow he comes home from his trip with the W and I'm a nervous wreck!!! We have had no contact for 10 days now and silly me I have been hoping for some. When he went to the beach with the family he texted me on the last day. Then he was home for 2 days. We had lunch and fooled around a little. We made tentative plans to get together next week when he gets back. When he left I felt pretty good about things. After lunch we texted a little, he called at the end of the day and then the next day he called before heading to the airport. Believe me, I am so thankful. Said he was going to miss me. He has really tried. But now I am so nervous. He said that he would try and email me while he was gone (from Europe) but warned me ..."no expectations" as he didn't know what was going to happen with connection, phone plans etc...but I still hoped. Really hoping that I would wake up to a note this morning but nothing... the kicker is she has updated her facebook status twice while gone. :( so there is access somewhere!! And I can't even say anything because I don't want him to know I check her page...which is wide open by the way!!!

I know I shouldn't freak yet, I have stayed busy, spent nearly all my time with kids and friends, gone to concerts, etc... but a wave of panic will wash over me and I have to say the serenity mantra!!! I methodically emind myself how attentive he was before leaving. Things he said, things he did etc... but still I worry about a watershed moment he may have at sunset on some beautiful beach, the wind blowing though her hair....and think "what the hell am I doing? I have a wonderful gal here...my WIFE!!!" then I get the "it's not you it's you" talk at a lunch next week and not the day we planned...(that he was very excited for I may add... ;)

But here comes Monday. Do I contact him? Will he contact me? Waiting is excruciating!! When he came back from the beach, I couldn't wait. I texted him, just saying I miss you. He wrote back I missed you too call you in 10. But it was an awful day of waiting before I broke down and did that. What do I do if I don't hear from him right away? Ugh. Worse...what if he doesn't want to see me anymore...so depressing because I would feel so stupid. Waiting for him, believing him (sorta) when he said that this doesn't change things.

Ok...neurotic I know...what would you do or think about this?

ps...her facebook updates are ALL about her. She doesn't mention him once!! Doesn't even say "we". Almost like she has gone alone. Sigh.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 12:42pm

Get a hold of those squirrels Chechi!

He will get in touch with you. Keep telling yourself that. I really doubt one vacation with his wife is going to suddenly make him want to end the A and go back to his DW. There's lots of reasons why he might not have contacted you. I mean, if she is using a computer to update her status, he's probably around, right? And vice versa when he's on the computer, in a internet cafe or in their hotel room or whatever. So he'd not gonna email you or facebook you with her right next to him! And things are probably just hectic as he gets back from his trip and all that. There's tons of reasons why and you know what, sometimes guys just don't contact us for reasons we don't understand and will never know why. It's very frustrating, but how these As seem to work!

I know you are tempted to text him, and if you really want to, go for it. But my advice is to hold back. He WILL get in touch with you, and you will feel much more satisfied if it is him who comes to you. So hold on girl, you've done it for this long, you can do it for a bit longer! Wait and then when you hear from him or see him, play it casual, friendly and welcoming, but casual.

Remember, As are a game. You gotta learn the rules in order to play! The more you know the rules, the more in control you feel.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 3:42pm

Hi Chechi,


If I were in your shoes I'd hold off and wait until he contacts you. The ball is basically in his court and if you should happen to text him and he doesn't respond back you are going to feel bad about it. You've had NC

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 4:53pm

OK, just a note about Facebook. (This will ease your mind there). On weekends, I sometimes don't e-mail my OM but I do comment on Facebook. Why? Because we have one computer in the bedroom and if H is wandering around and could come up at any minute, it'd be completely fine for me to be on Facebook, but not here, and not in my e-mail writing to some guy he doesn't know! I even told my OM that, so he wouldn't wonder WHY I was writing/posting on FB and not writing to him. So, maybe they had computer access, but it could have been in the hotel lobby or somewhere very public. So his wife could easily update there, but he could hardly write to you in such a public place.

There, feel better? :)

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:35am

Thanks all for the replies....not freaking out...yet.

I will wait for him to call me, I know I could call or text him and it would probably be fine but I admit that I am a bit nervous about where his head is right now. Did they have just the best time ever? Did it suck? Did he think about me at all?

Before he left, we made plans for a hotel day this Wednesday. He was definitely into that last I saw him, but I know things can change. I am bracing for him to be too busy or worse... too guilty after having a wonderful 2nd honeymoon.

I know I tend to project the future with all the "what ifs" but I'm terrified of being blindsided. It's how I prep myself.

If he cancels on Wednesday I feel like the writing is on the wall. He needs to make time for me. He has been gone for weeks and then I leave on Saturday for the beach. Honestly, if he comes home and ends it I will be SO pissed that my predictions came true!

I have dreaded this trip since I first heard of it in February when it was a vacation with friends thing. Then when it got downgraded to a them only trip (damn marriage counselor) in April I have been been panicked.

I will be pissed because for all the times I wanted to just discuss it.. he thought I was being silly. He said, "don't freak out, not changing my mind." Making a plan with me, calling etc.. up until he left, etc... .

I can't help it!! My stomach hurts waiting for the outcome. I have dreaded THIS day Monday June 28 for SO LONG. Are we cool? Or is it over? I can't do limbo anymore. (even if it's all in my head)

So....making an appointment for a facial and wax. Getting my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow.

Thanks for letting me ramble..I know I'm absolutely non linear...but that's how my head is working right now.. I'm all over the place. I wish I were tougher about this. This is the first time time in 4 years I have been REALLY wigged about it.

(You know, I can almost pin my anxiety about it to the date that I realized her facebook page was wide open. I just can't leave it alone!! (all you W's out there lurking..that is one way to just FREAK OUT the OW. Open up your FB page and make it look like life is great!!! LOL)

Thanks Lucy, Lexi and Rayne. I will wait for him to contact me. I will keep my power. I will not let him downgrade our "day" to lunch. If wants a break-up lunch I will pass. I don't need a last kiss, last hug etc... LAst time was a great day and I will keep it at that. (told you I'm projecting) I will make him wonder about me. I will not shed one more tear over this man. I will not show him how psycho I am!! HA!

Ugh...going to throw up now ;)

edited for sanity reasons ;)




Edited 6/28/2010 11:39 am ET by chechi2007
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:59am

LOL @ the "edited for sanity reasons".

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 12:43pm

LOL at the celebrity thing! Your right! It is a lot of pressure especially when you haven't been getting along so well.

12:30 here and still nothing, which is just cruel if you ask me. He KNOWS that I am nervous, and DYING to talk to him more than ever.. Just a quick text to say he's back and will call me later would be so great. That seems so easy.

Also..maybe I am in love with him? We don't discuss those things. I think I do in a way. I just know that ending things would create a huge whole for me and be a great relief at the same time. I'm tired. Especially of this stuff...again..it would be so easy for him to quick contact me. Feels like he's not thinking of me at all.

:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 3:41pm

Chechi I'm LOL @ the edited for sanity reasons ;). What is sane about any of this? I'm addicted and crazy over my AP and wondered once if I'm a little obsessed with him. I wake up and go to bed thinking of this man. He consumes my mind and so that's why I can feel your pain but I'm also big on my pride and don't like to let him know I'm stalkerish over him so I fall back and leave the ball in his court alot.


I think your making the right decision and hope that you find all that happiness and content that your heart is looking for. Enjoy every day that you are blessed with and go and do

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2007
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 4:37pm

THANK YOU THANK YOU!

So glad I listened to you all and just kept my mouth shut with him. I know I'm a freak...can't help it but I am happy to report while I was bitching and moaning about him and thinking the worst he had already texted me on my go-phone. We haven't been using that phone since I found that I can text him through yahoo on my iPhone and he can text me back that way. Why he did it that way I can't imagine...

So sometime while I'm on here yapping about him he texted. When I logged off I made plans for lunch with a friend and decided to plug in that phone to charge it and see how much $$ I had on it and Bingo...there was a text that said

"Hey! I'm back.
Hope u you are well
and will call u later"

So wanting to pee my PANTS!, I just played it oh so cool and thought still not out of the woods right? however it was all I could do not to drool like a dog and lick the phone...so sad, I know. So I simply replied

"Hey! glad ur back safe! All's well...talk to you soon."

Went to lunch with my girlfriend, heard the "bloop" (his text sound..yay!) he said...

"What day are you thinking this week?"

So I reply..."OMG this is so awesome!!! you're the best...missed you SO MUCH!!!!!, can't wait to see you.... SO HAPPY, How's Wednesday? Is that good huh? huh?"

(jk....only answered "wednesday?")

He replied...That'll work... call you @ 5.

me..."awesome :)"

See men...SEE what you do to us?? or maybe it's just me...

Anyway..thank you for reading this blow by blow....we can now all move on with our regularly scheduled day. ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Mon, 06-28-2010 - 11:32pm
That is so awesome!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Tue, 06-29-2010 - 9:57am

Hahaha Chechi, I'm very happy for you!
I'm laughing because I can't tell you how many times this has happened to me. I am angrily bitching to a friend or writing an angry message on this board about how he has not texted me or am sulking because I haven't heard from him or whatnot, only to hear 'doo doo' my text sound from him! Or I check my phone hours later and realize that he texted me a long time ago!

You played it PERFECTLY. especially your response to when you are free. REMEMBER THIS MOMENT. and remember how satisfied you were with yourself for not obsessively texting him and letting him come to you. Remember this power and let your future decisions reflect this experience!!!

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