He's dating-what to feel/do

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
He's dating-what to feel/do
7
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 3:53pm
Hi All!
A lil over a year ago, my first love and I decided to get back together again after 30 years. It's been a sweet relationship and he has moved closer to be near me (1000 closer) until I get my divorce. I still live w/ my stbx and absolutely nothing is going on between us--we have both agreed to the divorce after 25+ yrs and our children are grown. I'm about 4 weeks away-- at most from my divorce being finalized however-he's dating and says that he doesn't want to sit around waiting on me. He actually went out w/ someone last night & I knew it before he told me--because believe it or not--I can actually feel when he does this. (no --it's not the first time either).
I'm pretty hurt --don't get me wrong--I do understand how he feels. He says there's nothing else going on--he just likes going out and that doesn't equate to" fooling around" but I'm very uneasy about it and mostly hurt.
I would love to have a lil clarity--wondering if I am wrong to feel this way. I feel as though I am preparing for a life to be w/ him---and I am not sure what he's really thinking here!
Thanks so much for your time here!
pink~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2010
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 10:33pm

Hi Pink - Welcome to MAS! From the way I understand you and a past love have reconnected and have both completely changed your lives to be with each other...each of you going thru a D. He has moved across the country to be with you, meaning he has left his W already and his D is final?


So,

LouLou
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 12:38am
Thanks for replying Lou Lou!
I really appreciate it!
He's been divorced now for about 5 yrs, We are not really keeping things too much of a secret at all--even my stbx knows that I'm w/ him. We often go out together--it's just that I want this situation I am in to be totally over with because he keeps bringing it up to me. I know he's very uncomfortable w/ me still being married--so am I but I am moving towards being free of it. I don't understand what he's doing--the going out w/ others and all--I certainly wouldn't do it to him and I have had opportunities to do so but I love him too much for that! I haven't wanted to be w/ another man to this degree since I was first in love with him 32 yrs ago.
And yes--we have been making plans all along to be together. He says he wants to marry me. We're planning a future together--at least we were--now I am starting to wonder.
I feel really lost in all of this. Not too mention the hurt. My head has ached all day long! I am not even talking to him right now!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 3:48am

the love of your life is going out on dates with other women? yikes... i would not like that at all. perhaps it is time u have that monogomous/exclusive discussion. if 1) he moved closer to be with you, and 2) you two are planning on being together exclusively after your divorce then u have the right to have that discussion with him NOW.

when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2009
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 9:49am
Sounds very fishy to me! Don't believe him for a second when he says dating doesn't equate "fooling around."
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 1:55pm
You absolutely have the right to ask him NOT to date when your divorce will be done in about 4 weeks. My answer would be totally different if you were still married, hadn't filed, and were telling him "soon, soon" etc. THEN I would say - he's single, it's his option to move on if you are married with no definite end in sight. BUT you have moved forward and are almost free, and you are a "known" couple with him, even to your stbxh. There is no reason for this, unless he's possibly getting cold feet now that the end is finally in sight. Maybe he really does want to be single. You need a long heart to heart, and then go from there.

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You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 3:08pm
Thank you all so much for answering me!
I am going to have that long face to face talk with him today. I didn't think that I was so far off key w/ my thinking--and I do believe what you all are saying because I've had the same thoughts myself! If he's getting or has cold feet --I really need to know. It's hurting me anyway like this--so if I have to endure a lil more pain then I'd rather do it now! I don't mind the honest answers at all they really help!!
Thanks so much!
You all are great!!
pink~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 3:00pm

Hi Pink,


He told you that he doesn't want to sit around waiting on

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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