He's just too busy for this anymore...
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| Mon, 08-09-2010 - 2:42am |
Hi all
Well if you've been keeping up with my story, A with MM (Im married) for nearly 18mths. Great hot torrid start. Lots of 'I love you' and 'we should be together'. A few guilt trips later and we are still plodding along more as FWB with strong feelings.
But the last few months have been rough (hell ever since Feb it has been rough - guilt trip #2). His texts are less often, coffee and lunch less often, play dates less often. He still initiates things etc- its like our old Affair but on Xanax.
Now I feel frustrated, abandoned and annoyed most of the time. I keep hoping this will get better but I dont think it will. I have thought and semi tried some suggestions from you girls to get him to up the ante a bit. But he really is a stress head and workaholic.
As cleverly as he compartmentalises our A from his life, he is able to compartmentalise his life from our A. So what do I do now. I just text him saying that he doesnt know how much quick texts from him cheer me up. Not sure what (if) he'll respond.
He said August is his busiest month. So maybe I should just write this whole month off. But then what?? I dont want to end it as I know his ego will explode and we wont even be friends. So how do I manage this?
Iggy :(

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Oh update. He responded almost immediately (honestly WTF- was he going to text then anyway?) 'Hi just finished can I call you'. I said no as I have kids here but we excahnged a few texts. I said when you cant call can you pls send an x. He said 'Of course xxx'. IHe asked said he would call tomorrow between 3 and 330. I said
"Yes
Im tragicaly responding to my own thread :( Pathetic.
well only because you guys are all asleep and I have noone to vent to. So here is my thinking now...
If he end it over this I WILL NOT feel bad about my text or 'pushing him' about responding. I get that daily texts are hard, I get that he is busy. But we are in an AFFAIR. If he cant call when he says he is going to- its courtesy to let me know. If he doesnt have the time for a quick hello, then maybe he doesnt have time for sex!
I have noticed a trend lately which has probably caused me to feel so insecure about all this lately.
Iggy - where do you live?? In my time zone you were up all night! This whole thing is not worth losing sleep over and ruining your health - or at least, your next day LOL...
You are completely right to send that text - don't you dare feel bad about it. If he ends it over this, then you're also right, he's not worth it. You're expressing a need. We all have that right, in R's where there is affection and respect.
My guess is that if you and your A is important to him, he will put forth the effort to make it better and the way you want it.
As for the flirty naughty texts in the beginning that have lessened or disappeared, that is pretty normal for guys. Even in real R's (not A's), they put forth a lot of effort in the beginning, then they feel they "have" you and the effort lessens. If he knows that you miss those sorts of exchanges, he really should make an effort to carry them on at least some of the time!
(((HUGS))) for your long night! Now, take a nap!
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
Proud to be a
You've
ITA with Lexi: you had every right to send him that text, and if he thinks otherwise, then sod him!
Although I know you weren't up all night (how many hours ahead of us ARE you guys, anyway?), you still don't need the stress of this right now.
anotherseyes
So did you ever hear back about that last text?
Thanks guys. Lexi Im in Australia- so about 14hrs behind you guys. Literally while Im awake you are asleep and vice versa :)
But after a pretty bad nights sleep and wierd dreams- i was amazingly calm this morning. Like an epiphany. I was very sure he would end it- that I was putting too much pressure on him - and that he couldnt give me what i needed. As I said to Jane in her thread - I felt it would hurt like a bullet being removed in some gory b grade movie- but then I could actually realy heal and stop my bizarre obsessing about this stupid thing. I thought through the 'break up conversation' and was determined to stay strong and dignified.
He used to text right at 9am in the 'good old days' because thats when our day starts (9-5 M-F). But lately he only contacts me in the afternoon. So I figured I had a long day to think about all this.
But at 9am on the dot I get a text from him 'xxx'.
So maybe he got the message??? I was very shocked!
Well if I was shocked this morning I was stunned this afternoon. He called this afternoon and we were very normal- just talking normal stuff. I didnt mention anything about my text or his response.
In the convo he joked about me slapping him over the ears. I said do you think Im cranky with you? He said maybe a little. I said no not cranky, but we are in an affair together and this takes a bit of work from each of us. There was lots of joking and stuff and I think I made my point pretty well. He thinks Im insecure, I said maybe but its because he pulled the rug out from under me twice, now I am never sure about us anymore. He said he understands but whispered that he had people around him and cant say what he'd lke to say.
I said so it will take another 18mths to make me feel secure:). He said it will go for much longer than that. I said 'oh 5 years then?', he said 'no, this will go as long as I (he) lives'. I was surprised he would say something so 'emotional'. Then we agreed that if he was busy he would send an x. He said he doesnt understand what that would mean to me but ok. I said it simply shows me that you are thinking of me- I said even a dot would do.
When we hung up- he sent a text immediately. It was a dot. Then he sent 7 texts in quick succession. They went.
x
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
L
O
V
E
U
I was stunned. He has made a HUGE deal not to say anything emotional since his last guilt trip (Feb). I replied saying that his texts meant more than he can possibly know. And that was it.
Im just stunned.
anotherseyes
Oh boy, how happy are you right now? :0)
It sure is wonderful when they finally let it out, isn't it? Happy for you iggy!
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