He's leaving his wife?
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| Sat, 09-06-2008 - 9:24am |
I have not posted in a while.. I guess was just a normal A.. as normal as they get I suppose. I have been in A for almost 2 years. I am 31 he is 41. We are both married with small children ( I have 2 and he has 3) under the age of 9.
Well saw him last weekend. Had great time. Sex was wonderful BUT he was acting weird. Like really really happy to see me. Then he starts talking about having a baby with me. I quickly changed the subject
This week I have been distant. Not texting or calling. He calls me yesterday morning on my way to work and tells me that him and his wife had "the talk" last night. He says that she asked him why doesn't kiss or hug her anymore the conversation progressed to divorce. I asked him when he was leaving, he said he did not know. He says that he does not want to tell the kids that he is leaving now and doesn't leave for 6 months from now.
She does not work. He is working 3 jobs. He told his wife that her lifestyle would not change, because he would continue to provide for her and the kids. I don't know where his head is at with me. I don't plan on leaving my husband and not ready for the pressure of him wanting to spend more time with me once he moves out.
Should I voice this concern to him? I guess I am comfortable knowing that we both have someone to go home to and it scares me the he wants to leave his wife, because I don't want to be with him if he leaves. Not because I don't love him, but because it is to much pressure. Help!! Anyone have this issue?

Just voice all your concerns to him and make sure he understands where ur at...its important the two of you are totally open in communication and honest with each other...
I do hope that you both will communicate your feelings clearly with each other as this is a big step in any R and all you can be is totally honest with each other in your dealings and otherwise enjoy each other!!!
LT xxx
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Hey lady, I remember you from way back. Glad to see you.
I say don't tell him your concerns - it sounds defensive. You'vre had the talk that you are not ready to leave, right?
So take it one day at a time, set some boundaries about what you want him to share and what you don't, buut still keep it the way it has been for two glorious years.
Your situation may change and if you shut him down now, he may never open up again. So I don't mean for you to lead him on - but nothing has changed for you. He knows that. You don't need to rub it in his face.
Right now, he needs your support through his D, he needs an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and yes, every once in a while, a bed to lay in. He does not need, at this point, to hear you pull back with the whole "Whoa!"
Take it easy.
I usually agree with BTDT's posts, but not this time. Perhaps you've had "the talk", but he may have gotten a different impression along the way and he's about to do something very serious, and something that involves you... and as his AP, I feel you need to make sure he is doing it for the right reasons. That means communicating. The two of you have a relationship.... this isn't about playing games to make sure he is there for you in the future. If you care about him, then you won't let him do this if he's thinking it's what you want, and that he will be with you.
I think you should make your point of view very clear to him right now, so he can make a good decision. That is only fair, and will help you in the long run too.