He's Leaving..I'm devastated....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
He's Leaving..I'm devastated....
3
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 1:46am
Hi

I wrote just last week about suddenly realizing that I wanted *more* from the A and the MM/OM.

I am so devastated ... I found out shortly after I wrote my last post, the the OM was thinking about moving away to operate a second location for our business. It has *some* merit but not enough for his move -IMHO. But moreover, I am so hurt that not only will he be living 1800 miles away from me, but that he has been such an important part of my life for 4+ years, and now he is going to leave. He is my shoulder to cry on, the soul that knows me better than anyone, the voice of reason in my life, and above all my very best friend.

I am awake at 1:30 AM, crying and hiding from the H. He would never understand.

What frustrates me is that the OM says he will be back here for 10 days out of the month, and claims that it will be even better than sneaking away for an hour here and there...but the fact that he has always been "just down the road" was an emotional comfort that I guess he can't understand. The H has agreed to let him stay here for the 10 days a month he is in town - but I am not comfortable with that arrangement....it is too close for comfort.

I don't know what to do, how to act, what to say... I know I want to talk with the OM about this and explain what I feel...but I am too afraid that I will just lose it emotionally and that would not get my point across since he would be more focused on "calming me down..."

I feel like a part of my heart has been ripped out...I always thought he would be here - even if we were not H&W, in my mind we were more than that---I know...stupid thinking on my part I guess....

F4L

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:35am
I guess I was hoping for some kind of response from someone :(

I went to bed feeling like I would be able to wake up and read someone's wise words, or someone's idea on how to get my feelings about this issue across to him. I guess maybe I still am all alone on this part of my life.

Hmmmm, maybe I can post my issue and answer it myself and get some kind of insight to it. Guess I'll see if it works for me.

F4L

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-23-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 10:57am
You are not alone! And I know its hard when you spill your emotions out and no one seems to respond.

What you are going through is going to be hard. And you are not silly for relying on the OM or loving him.

I do think that him staying with you will be too much for you to handle. And as you said, to close for comfort. Every relationship whether it be friendship, love, family, goes through transitions, and if the relationship is strong it will last regardless of the obstacles. Keep that in mind and trust in the friendship and love that you share.

I really don't have too much advice to offer I suppose, but I did want you to know you are not alone.

Sweettendencies

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-27-2003
Tue, 09-30-2003 - 11:34am
Hi fool4love

Sorry that not many have responded yet, and that you have been so distraught. I know how hard it is to have to hide your emotions from the people you live with. Sometimes I think that tends to make everything all the worse; you can't just let it all out, have a good cry, etc.

I read your post from the other week. It sounds like you have been quite confused to begin with - which doesn't help. I think his move may be for the best (although you might not be able to see that now). You are married, and it doesn't sound as if you had been planning to leave (and vice versa with your MM). Maybe more time and distance will help you put things in perspective. You two may share a love, but the fact remains that you are both married, and chances are you won't have a future with him (at least in the way that you wish for - especially given the fact that you know his wife well, etc. I'm sure you've thought of what an ugly mess that could end up becoming for all involved).

BUT...on the bright side, your MM has a point - 10 times a year is not so bad, and the time you will spend together will be more quality as well as quantity! And meanwhile you can find other ways to continue your friendship; emailing and calling will help you through.

Most importantly, talk to him! Simply tell him what you are feeling.

Hope you are feeling better. Let us know how you are doing.