He's married to a distant cousin!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
He's married to a distant cousin!!
9
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 1:27pm
kmlkkmlmlkmlkm


Edited 9/22/2008 3:30 pm ET by nit.neh.c
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 4:47pm

I'm sorry this story is just too over the top for me to believe.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:04pm

Your brother in law is also married to a distant cousin?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 7:28pm

HI....


I hope I do not come off rude or insensitive, but

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:49am

Ok, first of all, if he's married to a distant cousin of yours, he ISN'T your brother-in-law. He's your cousin's spouse. The only way he would be your brother-in-law is if you were married and he was your spouse's brother, or he was married to your sister. That's it.

Secondly, you REALLY need to get serious here. There is absolutely no way you could be with this man in a "real" relationship. You cannot honestly believe that he could divorce your cousin for you and live happily ever after. There are just certain boundaries that you just NEVER cross for any reason. One is to get involved with a family member's spouse. The other is to get involved with a best friend's spouse. You just don't do it, no matter how attracted you may be. Because it is just such a betrayal that there is no way you could ever be together without the guilt (which unless you're a sociopath, there has to be a tremendous amount of)destroying you. It's one thing to get involved with the spouse of someone that you don't know, have no relationship or investment in. It's still wrong, but not as bad. It's another to do it with someone you care about's love. You just don't do it unless you want to see that relationship you have with that person destroyed forever.

End this foolishness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 8:02pm

Hello nit, I'm very sorry to hear your story as I really don't see this ending well for anyone, mainly you. If any of your family members were to find out, especially his W he would suffer, but not as badly as you. He is not family therefore, he can walk away and wash his hands of it, although, you are stuck because you cannot get a new family and you will always be looked down upon and you really don't want to do that to yourself.. I know this is hard for you, but it will only get worse down the road.. Please, do yourself a favor and end this affair!!

Best of luck to you

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2008
Wed, 09-17-2008 - 9:59pm
upport!


Edited 9/22/2008 3:30 pm ET by nit.neh.c
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 4:12am

Nit..

Hon, listen. This guy is NO GOOD for you. I don't care how sweet he is to you in a voicemail. He is so wrong for you on several levels. There's the obvious...he happens to be married to a family member. WRONG. But he's also 20 years older than you. Yet, from the sounds of it, he's incredibly immature. Talking to you about what your babies would look like. WTF? That is just so sophmoric to be talking like that. And you're buying right into it. It's all fantasyland. It's not real. I could understand it if he were more your age talking like that, but at 48? Take this as a red flag. The guy is full of doodoo. Look what he's doing to his wife, your cousin, removed or not. It could be you in the situation. And at their own house, for heaven's sake! Listen, do yourself a huge favor and extricate yourself from all of this. It's just no good no matter how you slice it. Find yourself someone more your age that is actually available for you to love and be in a relationship with. You are FAR too young to be caught up in all of this B.S. This guy is pushing AARP status. You're not even 30. Ugh. Get out of this ridiculous affair and have a real love. He ain't it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-15-2007
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 9:29am

I can see now that you are serious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Thu, 09-18-2008 - 12:35pm

<<<I've known him for about 5-8 years>> which means you were a teenager (your profile says you are a college student, I am assuming 18-22? Forgive me if you are a non-traditional student age). You said he is 21 yrs older than you, which makes him in his 30's when you met him and now early 40's? if that all calculates out in the traditional college age for you....I know most folks within a situation can't see how flawed that is but, I think it is and you said you were open to opinions.


<<<I just recently visited family>>> so this is all rather new? He talks the "baby" talk with you? Serious red flag of his fantasical way of speaking with you. It romanced you. Thats a method ya know.


He told me there wasn't anything wrong with their marriage. He just doesn't know when he started falling for me. "I don't know" is an escapist answer. Unless its a math question and one is not a mathmetician or the like..."I don't know" is NEVER an answer when it comes to our own actions and feelings and why. This is a big lesson to learn in life. I never accept "I don't know" as an answer anymore. He started "falling for you" because you made yourself available to it and he you. I suspect there are tons of answers as to why, but I don't think love in such a early relationship is one of them.


<<< I really really love him,