He's talking divorce..???

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
He's talking divorce..???
13
Wed, 12-24-2003 - 5:16pm
So my MM and I are going on a year and some change. Both have expressed genuine love and he says he knows he's with the wrong woman BUT they have kids and a seperation from the 2 boys is an 'impossible decision'...but after I ended things he came back and said being without me is an impossibility also. He is 33 and had never cheated on anyone, not even gf's way back. Said he thought you got married and that was it. But he says I'm his soulmate and we're perfect for each other. Says he is confused because marriage is crumbling--but he wonders if it's cause he's MAKING it that way or is it really that bad. All of his friends (even ones that like his wife) say that the marriage is doomed and it's a matter of time. I told him I will not remain being pushed to last place all the time---and he agrees. He's never led me on, saying he'll leave at a certain date.

What he IS saying as of yesterday is that his youngest sons Bday is January 14th. All the family on both sides are throwing a big party. After holidays and that party he is going to sit her down and discuss a plan of action. Je says he WANTS to be with me and doesn't think his wife is happy either...he is going to confront her and ask what she wants, is SHE happy, where does she see things going. He thinks she's just as miserable. He is honest and says he hopes it's amicable so he won't feel and look like the 'abandoner'. BUT he is also honest and says if she wants to WORK at it and get counseling that he will give it his all for the sake of his children. I told him that MY wnat was of course to be with him for the rest of my life BUT what I want more then that is for him to be happy and if that entails him working out his marriage and being with his kids then I fully support it.

Here's my question: DO I remain by his side until that day in January and then see what happens or would it be smarter to have NC until that day. There's a part of me that wants him to see what life would be like without me--even though it's only 3 weeks---BUT I also want to prepare myself for the outcome I really fear, him staying.

Opinions please on how to conduct myself.....

One friend say be there and SHOW him how serious I am about bein with him.....one friend says do a "takeaway" so he misses me....

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sun, 12-28-2003 - 2:09pm
Luckyme814,

That was an awesome post!!! I have been one to lose myself in my relationship (not this A with MM, but a previous BF) and I can definitely say how unhealthy and damaging it can be.

Thanks so much for adding that insight to this discussion!!!

Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2004
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 8:00am
I too am having an A for 9 mo. now. With mm with 2 kids. I know he loves me and I love him. He can't figure out how to bring the two worlds together. The kids need him and she threatens to take them far away from him. I know his wife and she is everything he says she is. I know that finacially he would be ruined but I don't care about the money part. I just want to share my life with him. I would like to hear advice from someone who has made the big change, been thru it and is still together madly in love. I have known this man for 2 years now and it took me along time to give into my feelings because of him being married. I know we belong together. His wifes mother just past away and he is hurting for the kids, He said it changes nothing for us. He says divorce is inevitable. He worries about how the youngest will take the whole thing. He thinks the older one can handle it. My children have accepted him since it all started. my youngest is 17 and the only one left at home. On my end there is no secrets. Even some people we work with know and except it. They tell me I should give him the altimatum , but I will stay with him forever anyway it goes. I truely love him. We are both older adults and know that life is not easy. I feel so alone when I am not with him. I have hope of being one of the percent that gets what they want. love,togetherness,and happiness forever.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-12-2003
Sat, 01-03-2004 - 12:28pm
Only time will tell and only our hearts can tell us what to do.

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