Hey long timers.......
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| Wed, 07-15-2009 - 11:26pm |
My background: Three years in a semi LDA with my first love. We live about 2 hours apart.
After the thrill has somewhat worn off, what keeps you in the A? Do you have lulls in the A? Do you consider ending it when things don't go your way or you aren't seeing AP enough?
I feel like I am losing my AP. I feel like we are growing apart. I feel like he isn't making enough effort to sustain this A and I am not really that interested in working to keep it going.
He has had alot going on in his life and for the first time I have really begun questioning where I belong in his life. Realistically I know that I don't belong but I used to think I was his outlet, his go to, his shoulder for burden, his lover. We haven't seen each other in 3 months and there is no telling when we will see one another again. I think he could make more of an effort. We have gone longer without seeing one another before and I've been frustrated but it's all just welling up inside of me and I'm ready to explde in anger and frustration.
He has just had a baby and I know how stressful that can be but I also had a baby in while in the A with him and still managed to make time for him.
I'm just looking for some more perspective from the ones who've been in it for a while.
Thanks

Lyric-
I have been on again, off again with my AP for 12 years.
I am sorry,i am not much of help here but here is (( hug ))
Please, please, please, consider what you said in your post:
'He has just had a baby and I know how stressful that can be but I also had a baby in while in the A with him and still managed to make time for him.'
You've both had children during your affair. There is so much more involved than just stress and making time for one another. You each have a child that pulls at your heart for love and attention. As a fellow mother, reading this in your post breaks my heart. I know the exhaustion and tireless effort that goes into being a mommy, and the endless depth of love we have for our children. If you can, try and take a look at your situation outside of the affair fog, as it relates to these babies. Your time and attention on each other takes away from your time and attention toward your children. Time and time again I've been struck by posts from mothers who are full of regret about the energy they put into their A and realized later that they weren't THERE as a parent. This is time you cannot ever get back. I truly wish you the best in the decisions you make.
Notme
I appreciate your posts and the thoughtful reply...thank you all. I do understand where you are coming from about taking away from the children. Usually, we only see each other during work hours, when we should be working but are taking personal time, or we see each other late at night when the little ones are in bed. I have had my guilt also about feeling like I take from my children.
I am trying to be a better person(kind of ironic.....) and not let this get in the way because his children are so much more important than me and I'd be really revolted if they were not.
Again, thank you for your thoughts. It's nice to be able to hear from the long timers as some of the issues are different than with a new A.
L