Hey Lostvoyage & Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Hey Lostvoyage & Red
4
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 9:38am
Lostvoyage: Just wondering how things are going. Last week was a pretty rough one for you as well. Post an update when you get time.

Red: I know you can't really post here very much. That's ok. I got your email address and will write you later on. I know you are still working through things too, but you definitely give me hope that I'll get through this eventually. Thanks!!!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 11:54am
GB2,

Thanks for asking, unfortunately things aren’t all that great. I miss my kids something awful. Even though I saw them all three days this weekend, it still wasn’t enough. MW/OW still is keeping her distance too, or at least it appears that way. Now is when I need her most and yet she’s not her overly responsive self. I mean, I can’t really expect anything extraordinary from her in this situation to be honest. What, that she should drop everything in move in with me? No, but I was hoping I could get to see her alone for a little while this weekend, but didn’t. I thought maybe she would suggest something like that but I guess it was wishful thinking. Even a phone call would have been nice. She did say her cell is messed up but I would have found a way to call had it been her. I don’t want to over-analyze so I’m trying not to do that right now.

So how are you doing? I’m sure it was great to get a away with your friends but somehow I imagine it wasn’t quite the same. The sun doesn’t shine as brightly, the trees don’t look as nice, the jokes aren’t as funny, all that stuff. In time it will fix itself, trouble is you ask, how long will it take? I wish I knew, it seems like a tremendously long period sometimes. Well hang in there, let me know what’s going on when you get a chance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 1:57pm
Lostvoyage - I am so sorry for all that you are going through. Major life changes are so very hard to get through. It must be heart wrenching not to be able to spend every moment with your children. I am glad that you are getting to spend at least some time with them though. Make the most of every moment. (That sounds horribly cliche - sorry about that - but it is true.) Right now the most important thing for them to know is that you are always there for them, even if you aren't in the same place with them all the time. I strongly suspect XMM's W would have done whatever she could to keep his kids away from him. She would be too caught up in trying to hurt XMM to think honestly of their children's welfare. I know that's why he's giving his W and his M another chance. I can't fault him for that.

As for your OW, I wish I knew what to say. It could be that she feels responsible and is worried that she's making the situation more difficult for you. I know that's how I felt when I thought XMM and his W were going to split. (OK, actually I still feel that way.) The last thing I ever wanted to do was cause XMM pain. If you haven't done so already, I hope you will get a chance to talk to her about all this and let her know how you are feeling. Maybe she really does want to support you but isn't sure how. I'm sure she feels awkward and unsure of what comes next - it's a difficult and scary time for every one involved.

You were so right when you said that going away wasn't quite the same. It wasn't. There were reminders of XMM everywhere. He and I have SO MUCH in common that it would be impossible to NOT be reminded of him. I thought of a thousand things I want to tell him. A thousand ordinary things that only XMM could have have been able to really appreciate. *sigh*

This is so hard, isn't it? But it hasn't been all that long yet. Nothing we can do at the moment but keep paddling our canoes - even if we don't actually get anywhere, at least we'll stay afloat. And eventually some day we'll be strong enough to really make progress. In the meantime, take care of yourself and keep posting!

Peace

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:47pm
I do need to talk to her, but it's been tough to arrange anything where we could go to do "serious" talk. I have been trying to be cheerful in front of her but it's all an act. I think what bugs me the most is I'm losing everything. I'm gaining my freedom from W, but losing everything else in the process. It's a no win situation really. Had it not been for my kids, I would have bagged this long ago.

I can feel your pain too. At least what pieces you have left still lay in the puzzle. Whether you can or will do anything with it, only time will tell. If you want to talk sometime, you can e-mail me at . Misery loves company.


Edited 5/18/2004 10:55 am ET ET by lostvoyage

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 7:02pm
GB2

You have been such a great supporter to me. It means so much!

I am fine, and I plan on posting an update, so stay tuned.

Thank you for thinking of me as usual. You know, there are truly wonderful people out there, and the fact that you have taken the time to think about me, shows that you are one of them, especially when you are going through your own sh*t!

You are in my thoughts as well.

Take care

Red