Hey Red Bella!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Hey Red Bella!
10
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:12am
Just wanted to say hi! I'm glad to see your posts - you have a wealth of experience to share and are always so thoughtful as well as insightful! When you get a chance, please give us an update on how things are going with you.

((((HUGS))))

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 9:50am
I couldn't agree more. I think you're a treasure Red and I appreciate the support you've offered IS and me over the last few days. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:04am
Hey GB2

Thanks for thinking of me. Really, I'm trying to keep my name out of the forfront right now, as my H knows about the board, and apparently has read all of my posts - just another one of those consequences in being "caught".

I so enjoy coming here and keeping updated on everyone, and offering my opinions and experiences where I feel they may be helpful. Somedays, I'm better at this than I others, depending on my mood!!

I have to admit that I am in the midst of the most difficult "experiences" of my life thus far. The anti-depressants do seem to be helping, especially now that I am on the full dosage - my heart doesn't feel as empty, but I am still having a hard time to stay motivated. Most of the time, I have this "I don't give a sh*t" attitude. It's a process, to say the least.

My H has been very sympathetic to my plight, despite the fact that he must be feeling very lost at the moment. I have noticed a difference in his attitude at home, and feel that he is trying to keep our communication very open and blunt, and also attempting to address my issue of "doing everything alone". He has even started making suggestions on things we can do together - something that I need him to do!

I have not spoken to xMM as I am trying to respect his wishes and move forward, placing my focus on my M (again, some days are better than others). My biggest thing with that right now is, I don't want him to forget about me or how much I love him. I know this is wrong of me, but it's how I feel. I don't think he will, but on the bad days, I begin to doubt everything, question things that were said. I know in my heart of hearts, that he is not the type of person to have "played" me - that he loves me as well, and that we have to accept that we came together at the wrong time, but for all the right reasons!

A piece of our hearts will always belong to each other - that has to be enough - and I need to accept that I have a nice life, a wonderful husband, and two terrific kids - and be happy with that.

I'm rambling a bit now, but the other day I was at the doctor - a man and wife came in - she was in a wheelchair which he was pushing - he seemed very loving and caring. I thought to myself, if something unfortunate happened to me, and I found myself in that situation, would my H stay by my side, care for me willingly - I have to say "Yes, he would!". Who could ask for more than that? It was kind of an eye opener for me in a sense. My H is the type of man, that will always be there for me - the fact that he is still with me now and treating me lovingly and with respect, after finding out about my A, is also testiment to that.

It is a daily struggle, but hopefully I am finding my way (slowly but surely).

Again, thank you for thinking about me GB2, you're so thoughtful. I hope everything is well with you.

Take care and love always

Red


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:02am
Hey Red, I just wanted to say "hi" too. I'm glad to hear you are finding your way. I'm kind of avoiding posting on here now too, although my reason is that by staying away from the boards it helps me not think of MM too much.

Last week H told me he really wants to work on "us" which is something he's never really talked about before. All I wanted was to be happy with H. I would like to give him a chance to make things better between us. He said he would like to work on our sex life, which is pretty well non-existent. Although this weekend, nothing happened on that front either.

So now I haven't talked with MM in while, I've got mixed feelings about ever seeing him again. I'm not going to try and contact him, but if he gets ahold of me soon, I'm not sure really what I'll do. Part of me says don't see him, but the other part wants to.

Anyways, I'm just taking it one day at a time right now. As long as the NC continues, I'm actually doing okay with it. I rarely think about him anymore.

Things seem alot more intense and at the front of your mind when you have daily contact and emailing each other alot, reading these boards etc.

Stepping back a little, not reading so much about A's, not hearing from the MM, that helps me to try and think about what I really want to do from here on in.

Anyways, Red, take care.

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 2:04pm
hi red! sweetie, these are the "hard" days when you are trying to rebuild your homelife without having that "safe haven" of MM to turn to. it's just plain hard! and i know this is a cliche, but "time does heal all wounds" so just keep your chin up and stay on those meds. let some time pass and you will start to obsess less and be more active and get a "sh_t"!! you will be okay eventually. hang in there.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}} to you and to your H for being there for you.

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 9:22am
Red!!! So glad to know you are hanging in there! I wanted to reply to your post earlier, but I was crazy busy and then the site was down. Your feelings for your H and your MM are so very similar to the feelings I have for the men in my life. I've had some amazing chats with MM lately. I really need to post an update - one of these days when I have a chance I will. In the meantime, take care of yourself and keep in touch!

(((HUGS)))

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:05am
Red Bella,

I am such a karma person and believe very much in "what goes around comes around" so I had to ask you this. With your H, the situation that he caused once with his ex- has now been reversed and he is the person who got betrayed. Do you worry that now this could ever happen to you where your H falls in love with another woman and tells you that she is his real soulmate? Do you think karma could play a role?

Just curious to know your thoughts.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:08am
If you read my post to go_fish in her "Wondering about" thread on Apr-26 - I think I answered your question.

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:38am
Oh yeah,

Last post of the thread

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 10:41am
Red bella,

Figured it out. Thanks. I hope that the karma cycle does break for you and you and whoever you are destined to be with stay in love and together forever.

PG

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2003
Thu, 04-29-2004 - 12:00pm
Hi Sweetie:

I haven't been around much to post, but I have been thinking about you, too. I know you still struggle everyday, but it looks as though the worst is behind you. I give you a lot of credit Red. I know you don't think so, but you really are a brave girl and I commend you and your H for keeping the lines of communication open without bashing each other. I know my H would not 'play fair' so to speak in the same situation, and any attempts to communicate openly about the problems in our R would just turn into a verbal brawl. I'd like to think that if we could have had that kind of brutal honesty and communication in our marriage, I would not have strayed. Not an excuse as what I'm doing is wrong, but I realize now that for all the years of swallowing my emotions instead of letting them out may have cost me my marriage.

Like Kitty, I am wrestling with a lot of things going on in my life right now. I haven't posted as it only makes me think more about my MM and how much I miss him. I have not been able to see him much and that's a whole 'other story.'

As you know, my father in law is dying. My H is a basket case, and for the first time in a long time, I am seeing a much more 'human' side to him; not the macho-#$%hole like he usually is. Although it's a very sad situation, it is good to see shades of the man I fell in love with so many years ago.

Anyway I'm rambling, sorry. Glad to see you are doing well. Hope all of my other friends who posted here are doing good too.

Take care,

Virgogirl