Hey Red.........Two Words

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Hey Red.........Two Words
4
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 11:26am
COAT CHECK


Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:10pm
WAY TO GO GIRL !!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 12:51pm
Red,

We had a very long talk last night. He wanted to make it clear to me that this was "just for fun". Geez, that talk AGAIN. Anyway, I told him that for me it hadn't ever been about anything else. He said, ok, as long as we are on the same page. But then I went on to say that our friendship is monumental and that I would give any friend the same advice.........if you love your wife and want that relationship with her, then you need to put your efforts there and not with me. We talked about this for a while. He said he knows that I am right. There is no way to justify things, I am right. I told him this doesn't mean that it's what I want, it was sooooo hard for me to say that to him Red, but the last thing I want is to be with a man that wishes he was with his wife. It's just a vicious circle. We talked for a while, I know that he cares for me. He says that we are GREAT but that if we get busted it would be very very bad thing. I remind him that has been the case since day one, not a new bit of news. We end the conversation last night with me feeling very depressed. I just kept reminding myself that I was doing the right thing. That doesn't seem to help much tho. I don't sleep well and it's all I could think about.

Today, I brought him breakfast and he had a note for me. Principal's meeting at 10 ????? To which I replied YES!!!!!!! We have the most amazing "coat check" and here is what he said to me.............. I LOVE BEING WITH YOU, I LOVE WHAT WE HAVE TOGETHER, I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS............. and don't reply cause I have no clue what he is trying to say, if it's just words in the heat of things.............. so he says "DON'T YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY????" and I told him yes, i do..... BUT being the woman that I am, there was a but.......... ha ha, it just didn't seem like the time to go into it right then!!! When he got back to his room, he told me all seriousness.....thanks.....thanks just because.......thanks for saying what I did to him last night, he knows it wasn't easy and that sometimes he gets sidetracked. Ok, this is now sounding like something I'm not wanting to hear 15 minutes after coat check.......but the conversation turns and I finally just asked him.........why are you trying to remind me that this is just for fun??? You are the one that did the 180 degree turn, now you are doing it again??? Why??? To me, it seems like you are the one that is having trouble handling the situation. I liked it the way it was...... he tells me that he doesn' think it's fair to me, in some ways. (probably meaning he will never leave her, hello, i know that already!!!) I told him that I am there too, sometimes I look at my marriage and I wonder if this is all it will ever be, fighting, arguing over crap.........he says that he knows I understand when I say that, maybe it's age, you look at your life and think about how it should have gone a different direction than it did............. MM is doing some majorly heavy thinking, Red.......... I think this has affected him emotionally more that he wants to admit to himself. I just said ok, well then it stops here.....He said NO! I just don't want us to end up bad.....we can't get caught!!! (isn't this the purpose from the beginning of an affair???) lol I asked him if he was happy when we are together? He said Yes, he wouldn't risk it if he wasn't happy with me.

So maybe I have some of the answers I've been after. He says that he isn't coming back next year, altho he hasn't resigned. I think he will come back, he's just pissed at the bosses for the way they go about stuff. We have a very controling super.... Big man in our small town. Powerful with the pen stroke. They are waiting til his test results come back for ITBS testing to see if they are moving him to another teaching position. They cannot fire him, he has tenure. (another story altogether)

Thanks so much for listening and thinking of me. I think of you often too,.... now, I'm off to read your update.

Lots of love,

Kitty

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 1:27pm
Kitty,

I think that your outlook on this is very forthcoming. Keep those lines of communication open with him, so that you always know where you stand. I really believe in that. Even if you sometimes hear something you would rather not.

Have fun - and for God's sake - get back in that closet before the year ends!!!

LOL

Bye for now my friend

Take care

Red

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 05-18-2004 - 2:22pm
Red,

Geez I know TIME IS RUNNING OUT!!!! Our next couple of days are field event days for different grade levels, my MM is cooking for both cookouts so maybe we can check some coats.......... I'll keep my fingers crossed.

I know that I'll hear a lot of things that I don't want to, but as long as he is HONEST with me and upfront that is the most important thing. He says that he can talk to me about anything.........and he says he can't say that about any other friend. Being an only child I'm sure it's probably hard for him to open up like this and put himself out there. I still think he is keeping part of this emotional stuff inside. When he said those things to me he really stressed the word LOVE, it's like he wants to say it but doesn't, because maybe it's more tied up in the friendship aspect. Which, hey, that is fine with me. I know there have been many times we've talked about calling everything off, not speaking, no IC. But we never have been able to keep it up, even through last summer. We finally gave up on the talking, we knew we couldn't stop it, and it seems that is the road we are headed down with the IC. We say we won't but then we end up in that dang closet again!!! YEEHAW for closets and romantic weekends with our H!!!!!!!


Take care of yourself..

Kitty