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| Tue, 05-04-2004 - 12:32pm |
My story: Five years ago I met this younger guy online. I was 24 and he had just turned 18. We were just chat buddies until we decided to meet in person. That's when our affair began. We "saw" each other for about 9 months, and ended it when I found out my husband was having an affair with my best friend. Basically we just came clean about our affairs and decided to make things work. We'd been married 5 years at the time.
A few months ago, my OM from 5 years ago, came back into my life. We "bumped" into each other online again, after much of his insistance, we decided to meet again. We've been seeing each other again for several weeks. I'm having mixed feelings about this, since it's not the way it was the first time. Back then we didn't share emotions, it was just sex and we saw each other when we could, but this time around we've developed feelings for each other. He feels that if after 5 years there's still something there, it's for a reason.
He's not entirely single, since he has a girlfriend whom he's not in love with, but she's pregnant with his baby (or so they think, since they weren't really exclusive). We see each other once or twice a week, and when we do it's just awesome.
I like him very much, and I care deeply for him, and he says he loves me. I'm still very much in love with my husband and cannot imagine my life without him, but I don't want to end the affair. I've been looking for reasons to hate the OM, so I can have a reason to end it, but I can't find any... I'm very afraid of my H finding out since I'm sure he will not let this one go.
Anyone else in this situation?

so there is no advice here. YOU have to figure out where you want to go with your future. you and H gave the M another chance and now you've thrown that chance out the window. i'm really not trying to be harsh, just realistic. and so should you.
if you want to save your M, then end the A, now. if you want your H to figure out that the A is distracting you and thus end your M, stay in the A. it's your choice! think about what you want and then do it.
good luck,
life
I know that this may be hard for some of you to understand, but for others it's very simple, because they happen to be in the same situation. My DH and I have a good marriage. In fact, it's so good that I have more issues with my OM than with him. Maybe I'm bored with my life, but that's nothing critical. As my DH has gotten older (though he's only in his mid 30's), he's become a bit laid back. He's not interested in doing anything fun, and I, on the other hand, still feel very young and energetic. That frustrates me. I have tried for years to explain that to him, but still, he won't make a change.
With my OM, I get to have all the fun I wish I had with my DH. It doesn't take anything away from our marriage. Instead, it makes me happy and I don't nag my DH as much as I used to.
Edited 5/5/2004 8:45 am ET ET by crazy4bk
however, i do know that if your M continues its downhill slide with your H insofar as not doing anything fun, and he's only in his mid-30s now, believe me, it only gets worse the older you both get. and as time goes on, you'll become indifferent to anything H wants to do with you anyway.
so you're probably right on, you are bored in your M so you're looking for fun and excitement outside your M with OM. i think that's why most of us are here on this board -- that fun and excitement we can't get at home!!
if only these Hs and i'm sure plenty of Ws out there) would listen and take some action, there would be many, many less As going on.
jmo --
life
I didn't feel judged, just misunderstood =)
crazy4bk
come here and let us know if we can help, console, or advice.
see ya,
life
I used to have a best friend whom I told all my secrets too. In fact, when my OM and I started our A the first time around, 5 years ago, she knew about it. I believe she used it as an excuse to hit on my husband and eventually have an A with him. Needless to say we're no longer friends. After that I've found it very difficult to trust anyone, especially women.
crazy4bk
life