Hi - Looking for LOTS of support!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Hi - Looking for LOTS of support!
6
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:05pm
Hi everyone - I am a new visitor to this board. New to the EMA world, too! My husband and I separated several months ago after a long time being miserable together. I was determined that there would be NO MEN in my life ever again! Wellllll, never say never. A man I became friends with over the summer is now more than a friend. It started out (as they all do, I suppose) as simple flirting - I knew he was married. Rumors even began about us - that we laughed about. We are now hopelessly crazy about one another. My day is not complete without at least talking to him. I have been fighting very hard to NOT say "I love you," but I know I am in love. Everything he says and does tells me he feels the same. But I will never ask and never pressure.

Have I lost my mind? Have we all? My ex has accused me of "parading men" through the house in front of our children. He has no concrete evidence of any affair, so I think he is just seeing things that aren't there. Thankfully he lives an hour away and does not come down often.

My boyfriend (sounds silly - what does MM stand for?), is soooooooooo good to me. Not just in bed. He treats me like a lady. Something my husband hadn't done in a very long time. He listens to me. We've cried at sad movies together. He is wonderfully emotional. He compliments me on things I never even noticed about myself. He's better to me than my husband ever was. The bottom line is, he makes me tremendously happy. We've talked very little about our "situation." I think he likes to pretend as much as I do that he is single. But he has said that he could not imagine leaving his children.

Oooooo. Just saw how long this is! Do you think I need to talk to someone?!?!? I do have one good friend I have confided in. She is 5,000 miles away and has been in a similar situation.

Looking forward to new friendships here - RoZ

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Wed, 01-07-2004 - 10:43pm
im new to this....so here goes...

MM....( MARRIED MAN)

Feels like ur getting attn and luving it...

B careful with the LUV word....

Sounds like he aint leaving the W...so enjoy

and know what ur getting into...

Once you fall in luv....as i did and still am....it hurts!

feels like my heart falls to my feet, butterflies in my stomach,

and I cant breathe when he walks by and I cant touch him ( secret work affair)

we are both married.

And even worse ...when u unintentionally got emotionally attached....

..and u know that though he cares for u....he is in it for the fun !!

...And if u receive replies from

Free, Luvin , or GURL ...

READ , BREATHE , AND TAKE IN ALL THEY GIVE YA !

TOW ( The Other Woman )

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Thu, 01-08-2004 - 9:27pm
Tow -

Thanks for the advice. I'm trying hard to keep my feet on the ground - hard, isn't it? I'm worried about him tonight - had to drive for hours to take care of his grandmother - she fell down a flight of stairs. He called me during the drive - nice to get to talk to him for so long, though. We had a lovely afternoon together yesterday and spent a long time talking about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 1:29pm
I feel just like you happy when I know I shouldn't be. I truly believe this kind of thing happens for a reason. You are not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 1:50pm
Welcome to the board!!! Glad you decided to join us here! Our group is made up of a variety of women (and men) who come to share their EMA experiences, to get support and to share their fears and joys in a safe and nonjudgemental environment.

I think it is important that you and your MM clarify what page you're on in this relationship. It's vital that each of you know the others expectations and boundaries. But as the rules say, dont ask questions you arent prepared to know the answers to...but most importantly remember that it may be those answers that are hard to absorb now that may save you you heartache later...talk to him, see where he's at with all of this so you know...

cl-liberalgirl

callmeliberal@hotmail.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 9:14pm
CL- Yes, I know that we need to have a long talk. Actually, we have had many, but the longer this goes on (and the more attached I become), more questions have come to mind. I want to ask, but feel that some answers are none of my business (crazy, I know). At first, when it was just a fling for ME, I told him I didn't want to know too many details, because then I would "know." Does that make sense? I guess I was afraid to think about what this was doing to the wife and kids. And, heck, it was just a fling for me! Now I am head over heels, and I need to know some things.

If I could just completely put him out of my mind for just one day!! I feel like I have put the rest of my life on hold. And it sucks not having anyone to talk to about this. I'm so glad to have found this site!

Thanks for the advice - have a great weekend.

RoZ

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Fri, 01-09-2004 - 9:25pm
NJFF-

Thanks. Yes, happens for a reason, but what reason? To drive me insane?!?! :-)

My MM was the one to get quite serious first, believe it or not. He is very emotional, and was the first to talk about falling "head over heals," etc. (but stopped short of using the "L" word). We once talked about stopping or relationship, but he cried to me that he couldn't live his life without me - and this was way before climbing into bed together!

He has confessed that he has few friends because of his job (very time consuming) and his family committments. He says he can't even imagine not having me in his life to talk with. I love listening to him, and he does the same for me. I think we were both starving for companionship.

Sort of an addiction, isn't it? I used to be satisfied with phone calls, then I had to see him at least once a week, then I wanted an evening with him, now I am dying to have him for an entire night or weekend. What comes next?

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I need help!

RoZ