hi, lurker need some help and support

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
hi, lurker need some help and support
4
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 12:05pm
Hi,

I have been lurking for some time now, I have gained much knowledge and have admired the support you give each other, so I am hoping you have a little bit more.

I am M for 9 years, we are pretty much roommates, I met a sweet guy online 7 months ago, we have spent the last 7 months chatting and then calling. He has always been really really sweet, polite and nice, he has supported me through several problems and I have supported him. He has a daughter with a former girlfriend, he bought a duplex and allows her to live there free so he can be near his daughter, when she got layed off he completely supported them so he could continue to see his daughter, he has assured me there is nothing between them and I believe him she actually treats him kind of crappy, like he should support her, but he puts up with it for the little girl. I have spoke with the ex gf on the phone, no she does not know I am married, and she has been sweet to me, even telling him that she liked me. He knows I am leaving my M in the next year, just making sure financially things are set. We live 4 hours apart and things had prevented us from getting together but we finally did this weekend.

It was wonderful, we talked and made love, it was amazing, I don't normally have sex with a guy who I am seeing for the first time, but the emotional bond was pretty intense from the last 7 months, in fact he had told me he was sure he was falling in love. During the weekend he told me he had waited years to find someone like me, he was happier than he could remember being and he could not wait till we could see each other again, he even brought me roses. We said good bye Saturday evening, him telling me how much he would miss me.

So Sundy evening I call, he says she is on a rampage, she is pissed, I said about us? He said there were ears listening and he would talk to me about it tomorrow when he was at work. Sunday night he sent me a short email about how good of time he had and that he would talk to me tomorrow. Well, now it is Tuesday, no phone calls, I have sent 2 emails but none back and he has not been online to IM. The email status of the ones I sent is that they have not been opened. I can see the emails, he no access at work and maybe he has been busy in the evenings trying to appease her but he normally will call me at least once a day if not twice and nothing. He is at work, which can be extremely busy I know, and he may not have been able to get away but sometimes he will even call on his way to leave a message so I have one in the morning from him, in 7 months there have been maybe 3 days he has not called not counting yesterday, and today still nothing.

I find it hard to believe that this guy who was sooooo sweet for sooooo long just used me, no one could keep the charade up that long and well, and if he did there was no reason to send an email Sunday evening to say he had a good time and would talk to me tomorrow, I mean if he wanted to just blow me off he would not initiate contact on Sunday evening. I know it could be just a no time thing, and it just happens to have come at the worst possible days, if I do not hear from him today I am calling tonight but I hate to seem desperate.

HELP!!!!!!!!!


Edited 8/19/2003 3:33:47 PM ET by anotherlove

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 3:35pm
ok, I was really hoping someone would be able to lend a suggestion or reply
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-24-2003
Tue, 08-19-2003 - 3:42pm
It sounds from your post that something happened at his home, and he is trying to do damage control. She may be checking behind his every move and may have deleted your email without opening it. I would give him a little while for things to simmer down a bit, then see what happens.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 9:55am
I would have to agree....maybe things are just to hectic around there for him to be able to contact you. You seem like you know you can trust him and I don't believe either that if he used you he would have sent you a message Sunday saying how good of a time he had. Take it from someone who has been there...Hun just becuse he has not contacted you does not mean he is not thinking of you. Peoples lives can get hectic and you have to admit there are some women out there that USE the children as a weapon or tool against the man! And maybe that is what she is doing. He seems like he is willing to do anything for his child...give it a couple of days...I know it is hard and I know all you want is to hear from him...but I do know that if he was not interested he would NOT have sent and email saying he had a great time. This I learned from men! Good Luck to ya and keep us posted! Love to all, Red
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2003
Wed, 08-20-2003 - 10:45am
Hi,

What you have is a total breakdown in communication. You don't know why he shut down. All you know is that this isn't typical behavior for him.

Please resist the urge to make up scary scenarios - you have no information! You have to find a way to make contact, whether it is waiting for him to make a move or for you to try again. But until then, please don't torture yourself. In fact, why don't you envision a positive outcome - his computer's down with a worm, he's busy at work, his cell battery is dead, etc. A little optimism might make the wait a little more bearable.

Let us know what happens! Pug