hickey from wife!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
hickey from wife!
9
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 8:54am
I just need to vent a little, as it seems everyone has to in these situations!

I thought I could keep my emotions in check and just enjoy the time we spend together, but yesterday when I saw MM he had a hickey!!!!!! My heart felt like it broke into a thousand pieces, and I totally withdrew and had a horrible night! I went out last night thinking of numbing my brain and heart, but I couldn't get into it and went home early!!

I'm so depressed about it! I mean I know they still have sex and stuff, but WTF?

I guess I have 2 choices: tell him my female emotions have gotten the best of me and tell him the way I feel; or just ride it out and enjoy while I can! Don't think I can bear another hickey as a reminder that there's someone else though! Or I guess I could just say nothing and pretend nothing he does bothers me. He just won't make any extra time for me at all. I can get away this weekend b/c my husband is going out, but do you think MM can get away for 2 hours?!

Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 9:01am
Hi Midlifer, I think you should let this one go. You KNOW they are having sex, you just don't see ORGASM written all over his face. What man in his right man would turn down the opportunity for a little hanky panky (well my H would, but that's a whole other story!!)

However, just try and ignore the hickey and move on.

You know he still wants to be with you, that means something.

Alot of these guys, like my MM, is lucky if they make it with the W once in a blue moon.

So give him his blue moon, you can be his sunshine!!

Dusty
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 10:11am
Yikes!! I would hate looking at too!! I am sorry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2004
Thu, 02-26-2004 - 10:38am
Just ignore it. I know it is really hard to see but they do have to have sex with their W's once in a while.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Tue, 03-02-2004 - 12:33pm
Hi -- I'm coming late to this discussion -- just saw this thread a few days later. I haven't yet posted on this board, but when I read your post, I felt I had to reply. I got to the point just this week where I finally had to say, "I know it happens occasionally between you two, but you know what? Please don't tell me." It's always said in the context of how paltry, or how unsatisfying or whatever it is in comparison, but sheesh -- I really don't want the visuals or anything else it brings up for me. I was surprised when his reaction was one of confusion: "Well, OK, if it bothers you...." Sometimes I think his declaration that I am his "everything" has a downside: I'm not just a GF, I'm his therapist, lawyer, friend, etc., etc. So I suppose he thinks that he can go into therapy mode and talk about his relations to me? Nope. There's got to be a limit. I'm not naieve, I know it's happening, but I don't want to go down that road, where I start thinking, "Hmmm, what was I doing then?" In your case, unfortunately, you were confronted with the physical evidence of it. Yuck. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship so I wouldn't presume to tell you what you "should" do, so I'm just writing this to tell you that I understand your feelings completely, and am sending sympathy and hugs to you!

Sugarbee

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 1:03pm
Thank you for the positive responses. I know I have to deal with it, but it's so hard! I actually met another guy last weekend and when I told my MM about it, he got insanely jealous and turned on at the same time! He called and stopped into my office like all day yesterday! So I guess I know how to push his buttons! We had an awesome afternoon rendezvous and again this morning! Twice in one week is unheard of, but now I know how to get more attention from him.

I can share with his wife I guess, but I certainly don't want to see any evidence of it. I don't let my husband leave any signs on me (hmmmm, will have to try that and see what MM's response is?!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 4:10pm
Instead of looking for signs, why don't you do what I like to do once in awhilel, which is to give him something special to look at and remember?

I get those temporary tatoos sometimes and put them in spots that he would especially like!! And I think it gets the attention I wanted whenever I do that!!

Then when I get home, I make sure I take them off with alcohol before H gets a chance to see them, I don't think he'd like them and he'd for sure ask me why the heck I had them where I did!!
xxxx
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-02-2004
Thu, 03-04-2004 - 5:31pm
Hi, ML:

I think it's great that you got to let him feel the shoe on the other foot! This way, he won't start taking you for granted. I don't really have too many "dark times" about my relationship, but when I do it's related to not feeling special anymore. Let him see that you ARE special, and that other men out there see it and know it. Good luck to you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 2:37am
sorry to hear about your discovery ! Someone is very passionately loving the same man you are involved with. And he is liking it or he would not have the hickey! If you enjoy the sex and don't expect him to be emotionally attached to you then forget about the thing! But if you expect more than occasional sex I think your headed for disappointment! Just my oppinion! What do I know. Keep your chin up. Each day brings new beginnings!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Fri, 03-05-2004 - 11:09am
I must have a really weird relationship with my MM...

He and I talk about everything...

As much as my heart thuds when he talks about his wife, we do talk about her...

Morbid curiousity on my part? Or just my way of keeping grounded in our relationship?

I really wonder sometimes whether I'm totally gullible, or totally naieve, but I've come to the conclusion that this man is good to me and good FOR me...

Although I second guess this relationship often, he makes me think...

::::SIGH::::