His Anniversary
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| Thu, 04-29-2004 - 2:30pm |
I dont' really know what emoticon to select for this one. LOL
Today is MM's 26th Anniversary. He and W are leaving this afternoon for a long weekend.
He didn't even tell me the date until last night. He didn't want me worrying about it. I tried to explain to him that not knowing made me wonder *every* day. LOL
We actually had a really good talk about it last night. I explained to him that I appreciated the things that they'd built together through the years. He is part of my soul. How can I hate what has added so much to his life? It would be like hating myself! He even admitted that he loves his wife. Well, hell...I knew that. But that's the first time in months that he's admitted it to me. It doesn't change his love for me. They are two different relationships. I love all of my children. My love for one doesn't have anything to do with my love for the other. I just don't believe that love is that exclusive. No one can take my place with him. Our relationship is unique to us - if extremely ill-timed. LOL
Does that mean its easy? You're _kidding_ me, right? But I know that when we talked first thing this morning I did the natural thing, (for me), and sincerely wished him a Happy Anniversary. And this morning, he understood.
Today's been a hard day for me - lots of reasons, none to do with him. He's been on the phone with me most of the day, supporting and encouraging me. He's been so good to let me know that he loves me. And I know that he does. He shows me his love every day.
But this is going to be a NC weekend. I'm actually okay with it today. I work Friday and Saturday. I'm going to spring clean on Sunday and voila! He'll be home on Monday. That's the plan, anyway. If anyone sees me in a panic this weekend, please remind me of this post and redirect me to Rain's letter.
BTW, Rain. Is there room for one more in that pool?
Cazrida

Good luck...hope the weekend goes quickly for you. Oh...and don't do what I did. On day two of NC, I got drunk and fired off this 4 page email detailing each and every one of my worries, fears, and insecurities. I'm dreading him reading that!!!
Lucky
CaZ stop over thinking. Its not that they are going to have sex or something. LOL I know you are not worrying about that but it is disturbing. Just hang tight. It will be over sooner than you think. ((((CaZ)))))
FF
2 weekends ago my MM and his W went away for the weekend to "celebrate" their anniversary. I too wished him a happy anniversary, and even called his W to say the same since we are friends. I hated the thoughts of them being alone away... but I know nothing even happened while they were gone, which made me happy.... how horrible is that.
I feel for ya.....
Hang in there.
Friend
(((HUGS)))
(Since he can't give them to you right now...)
I'll try not to send an email with all my insecurities. I've BTDT before, too. (not drunk, just struggling) He's always taken it well. ::puzzlement:: I don't know how he manages to settle me back down at times. LOL He did make me promise to keep sending him emails, though.
Here's to a mutual support society. Now to the end of NC, I promise to post to the board, before I get drunk and email MM.
Have a good weekend, and may NC end soon!
Cazrida
Hi FF and WF,
LOL - I'm not worried about them having a good time. And I can tell you that whatever they do, its not anything like what we share.
I told him that I'm not jealous in that sense, and I'm not. He can eat lunch and enjoy it and that doesn't bother me at all. It would be churlish to deny him having a good time with someone he enjoys spending time with.
I'm jealous, (if that's the right word), because I want some time, too! That's all. I want as much time as we can have. I want to see a movie with him, go to an art show, dance...I understand our limitations, and after seeing some of the members on the board, I'm thankful for the time we do have.
And he _just_ called to tell me that he loves me. He asked me to keep that in mind.
::smiling through tears::
I will.
Cazrida
First, there is always room in the Adult Swim. Only a few of us qualify as adults each day (and I'm on the borderline of being sat out myself today, LOL) so there's usually plenty of room.
As for your MM... I'm so jealous of him. He has you, and even if it's hard and imperfect, you understand and share and try to make the best of it you can. In the end, you both know your lives are better with each other in them. He's very fortunate, and I'm sure he knows that.
It's strange how we can love someone and still love someone else. It's wonderful and scary and I don't even begin to understand how it takes so long to get some place with one person but we can arrive so quickly with the right person. But at least we have that love, that sense of belonging with someone, even if it doesn't go exactly how we might want.
Take care of yourself this weekend. And if I see you singing the blues, I'll point you to the diving board for quick pool re-entry.
rain
Hey cazrida,
I think I know how you feel a little... two months back MM and his wife celebrated their 10th wedding anniversary... and while I'm very happy with all that I have with MM... and that I was certainly happy for them... it's been a hell of a road to get there and they've struggled... so they deserved to celebrate... but it still finds a little spot in my heart to hit home.
I knew all the in and outs... they spent a night away in a fancy hotel in the city... dinner... massages the next day... and truly I didn't think about the inbetween because I knew it was going to happen.
On the
Sweet
Co-Community Leader My