His guilt
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| Wed, 07-30-2003 - 1:41pm |
Currently I am seeing a MM, I too am married over 19 years. Marriage for me has been over for 10 years, I stay for the children when they leave for college so do it.
Recently met a wonderful man, unhappily married for most of the 25 years, we have talked over coffee, met for lunch, talk on the phone. Only kissing so far. He and I both agreed to take things slow. He told me this weekend over coffee that he feels like he has found his soulmate. We agreed to be open and honest with each other about everything, including our relationship. This morning however he said he needed to talk with me. We met for coffee before work,he looked troubled. He told me he is having "moral issues" with the relationship, that he has been having trouble eating and sleeping. I asked if he wanted to stop seeing each other, he said "No" and took my hand. Looking at me he said, "This is hard for me, but I don't want it to end. I just needed to tell you that i'm trying to sort things out in my head and it's hard right now."
Now I'm totally confused and hurt. I adore this man, he is so wonderful in every way; kind, thoughtful, we have all the same interestes. We are true soulmates.
Has anyone experienced this with their man? Can anyone tell me what this all means? Should I prepare for the worst or just sit back and wait.
Normally I can make rational choices, right now, I'm a total wreck.
thanks for any help or suggestions.
Belle

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My post about guilt haunted me all day... Brought some ugly stuff up... I headed over to the ending an affair board tonight...
Pug
The post didn't put me in that frame of mind, OM and I are kind of at a cross roads and I don't know which way to go. The last few days have been bad, I can't eat and if I do I get sick, I can't sleep and I am just totally miserable. I have been thinking of going back to being just friends (I don't know if I can) and trying to work on my M. I am just so confused I don't know what to do. Have you made any decisions? If you feel like talking send me an email I am sure after DH goes to work tonight I will be on line as well as most of tomorrow. Take care and sending you Hugs. DAF
A bit of an update. I spoke with MM yesterday, he said he wife told him that morning as he was walking out the door to work, she made an appointment for them to see a marriage counselor. In past discussions about our marriages, he said he asked her on many occasions to go to counseling to help their marriage. Her reply was things were fine with her, she didn't see the need to go. This "demand" as he put it, knocked him on his heels, and said he is very suspect. When I asked why he felt that, he said I thinks she is getting her ducks in order for a divorce. The past two years, she has gone back to school, whats to know about every detail of their finances, has had a mini-face lift, going to the gym on a regular basis......now this.
I let him do the talking, and when he was struggling with the concept of us, I said I felt it was best if I stepped back and out of the picture right now. Last thing he needed was the wife on one side pulling at him, and me on the other. That I cared enough about him that I didn't want to see him torn in two. Adding, IF she is thinking about divorce, she may consider having him followed, or the counseling is something an attorney has told her to do. He said please don't go, don't pull away from me. I told him my feelings haven't changed for him, and maybe never will, but for both of us, it's best I step back for a while. I could hear his voice cracking, and sniffling as he spoke...my heart breaks for him and it killed me to tell him these things.
The last thing I told him was I would always be there for him, if he needed me, he knew how to reach me. For now, go to the counseling....maybe it would help them. If after the counseling is over, and you still feel the same way, and feel comfortable - you know where to find me.
Either I made the right choice or made a total mess of things. Time will tell.
I need a drink!
Prepare for an emotional bomb lady. Good luck.
What does MM and OM mean?
Wow, we have a lot in common... I push it all inside, exercise a lot (keeps me from thinking too much) but when I have some quite time, the demons start to eat away at me. I guess writing about guilt brought it all up and I had sort of an epiphany: hey, I'm guilty! Maybe that's what keeps me up at night! (I know, duh to most of you, but if you're like me and stay busy and keep it all inside, it comes out at the strangest provocation.)
Anyway, I asked myself some big picture questions... Do I love OM? Yes, but not as much as he loves me. Would I trade H for OM? No. (Too many reasons to list here) Do I want to risk having H find out and totally humiliating him? Big big NO.
So I have been visiting the ending affair board and decided to go N/C starting this morning. Right now I'm numb, trying to break the old habits of constant contact with OM. I feel like I'm losing my lover and best friend at the same time. Pushing it all inside. Stay tuned.
Anyway, if you'd like to take this offline, email me at fortytwopugs@yahoo.com. It is comforting to know there is a kindred spirit out there...
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