his silence is driving me mad

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
his silence is driving me mad
13
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 4:54pm

Hi all,


Although I think I have accepted the A is over and I am trying really hard to move on with my life I just can't seem to get the thoughts of him ignoring me out of my head.


I am trying so hard even though it hurts but I just can't believe he would just forget about me so easy and not even be bothered to reply. I know that I shouldn't expect anything from him as after all this is an A, but when you share so much with one person it is hard to just forget everything so easily, i can't just turn my feelings off.


I know that there are no answers just wanting to vent. It is down to me to accept that this is the way it is. Part of me thinks he has not closed the door to this A leaving him an opportunity to contact me again, but I can't live on that hope because it may never happen.


I have made myself a promise that I won't send him anymore messages as this is only making me feel worse, and I am probably making a fool of myself in the process.


Just having a bad today and although I don't regret my A I just wish I could walk away as easily as he seems to have.


ali x


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 5:16pm

dont ever consider it as you making a fool of yourself..regardless of what anyone tells you....and you don't know if he is so easily moving on...that just may be his way of trying to get over hurt and pain..some folks retreat....


i decided to try and get over ap in january...i didn't call text or even speak when i saw him..as a matter of fact i went the other way and pressed the "i am invisible to him" button in my head...i retreated to my own little place until may, the end of may this year that is....it was my way of trying to think through this, trying to make sense of it, trying to find inner peace and strenght, and my way of being able to consider leaving this for good...a coping mechanism....i went through HE!! doing it...i mean HE!! but i would NOT talk or text or call at all....so that means everyone is different..he may or may not reach out at some point.....


his translation of it is - i found someone else..have another boyfriend...had spent time with another and moved on quickly-ALL OF THIS, NONE OF THIS rang true..i was to myself the entire time..i just needed ME at the time...therefore, your translation of how things are going on his end are just that..YOUR translation..not his....


my suggestion for you

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 6:49pm

Hi tyger,


thanks for the reply I think the reason I feel like I am making a fool of myself is because I have sent him numerous messages on FB

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:44pm

Hi, Ali!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:47pm

Just because this was an A doesn't make it any less of a relationship, and like any relationship that ends, you need time to grieve it's loss.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Mon, 07-19-2010 - 7:48pm

yes, yes, yes your thoughts are obsessive and very well may not be true...i wouldn't stress to much...i know all to well how hard it is to shift thoughts...now i won't say my thoughts don't become obsessive because they do..but i don't act on them...like i wouldn't keep sending emails or fb'ing him if i were you...try to breathe and try to relax..take a hot bath to settle your muscles and nerves and relax you....


yes i read too much into and overanalyze things as well..but i keep it in my head

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:47pm

Hi Jane,


thanks for your reply I have been over to EAS but just been lurking on there, I don't feel ready to post on there because I know that I have not been maintaining the NC by sending him messages.


I have made a promise that I will stop that as I think that is just triggering me into feeling so crap when he doesn't respond. I know this has all stemmed from his silence. If he had told me that he wanted space or wanted it to be over then I would have walked away and never looked back, I would never have sent him any messages. The fact he has chose to hurt me like this and ignore me is what hurts me so much.


A friend at work today advised me to try ringing him and see if he answers, which I did but there was no reply. He would not have known it was me as I withheld my number, but I felt worse after and although she has pushed me into keep trying I don't think I will do it again. She seems to think that he is too scared to contact me and that if he did answer at least I would get the closure I need. I think the best thing for me is to avoid putting myself in the situation where I obsess and end up sending him a message.


I know all about loss and the process and I know that I am swinging between the anger, denial and depression stages hopefully eventually I will get to the acceptance stage. thanks for the input and kind words.


ali x

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 12:56pm

Hi another,


I would like to give him a big whack as well LOL. thanks for your kind words and you are right that it is acceptable to want closure,however I don't think I will ever get that from him.


I know that this is

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 1:16pm

Hi tyger,


Yes I have realised that sending him messages is not helping me so as of today there will be no

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 4:20pm

"Without going into another rant I have had bad experiences with men which makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me."


I think the only thing wrong with you is something deep inside (could be a bad experience from the past, could be self esteem, etc) that draws you to the wrong kind of man.


There's a man out there who will be everything you want and more, who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Tue, 07-20-2010 - 4:45pm
I'm so sorry you're going through this Ali! Just wanted to give you cyber (((HUGS))) which unfortunately don't help much. Take extra good care of yourself, eat well, drink a lot of water (do I sound like your mother yet LOL), just pamper yourself and be kind to yourself for as long as you need to. ♥

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